Women Allow It!
“Ah! Ndozvinoita varume . . . (That’s what men do)”
When confronted with a cheating spouse, this is what women tell each other. Tradition advises that every man at some point in his marriage will cheat, and then it is up to the woman to forgive, tolerate it, and move on.
The Standard recently published an article charging that “Extra Marital Affairs Derail AIDS Fight”. In it, Pyke Chari from Action said that extra marital affairs threatened to reverse progress made in the fight against the HIV pandemic.
Action conducted a research study in 11 countries including Zimbabwe Malawi, Tanzania and South Africa, which found that married couples are now the group with the highest infection rate, because of the widespread prevalence of extramarital affairs. Presenting the findings, Chari said, “In all countries, the polygamous mindset was prevalent.”
I’m sure polygamy made sense in the days of yore. It amounted to cheap labour. Africans had no concept of the ownership of land, so a man could till as much land as he was able and as apportioned him by the chief. The more labour a man had, the more land he could cultivate, the more crops he reaped, the wealthier he became. Not only that, but having always been biologically weaker, women and children needed men for protection from predators like lions, cheetahs and other men.
Why is it then that an ancient tradition and attitude rooted in a society that has since changed drastically has not evolved with that society? What is most baffling is that the very people it turns into victims perpetuate it.
We live in an age where women are educated, and as a consequence financially independent. Where even though there is still progress to be made a woman may own property, vote, and sell her skills and labour to work and accumulate her own wealth.
Women don’t even need men to have children!
Yet the attitude that a woman is nothing without a man prevails. And because of that attitude women settle for bad and potentially life threatening behaviour. Because of it married women find themselves unable to negotiate safer sex or regular HIV testing, lest their husband leaves them for someone more docile.
Until women collectively realise that it is they who determine how they are treated, that men need us as much as we need them, that it is possible to feel whole without being in a relationship; then multiple concurrent partnerships, polygamy, AIDS and STIs will continue to exist. And men will continue to cheat.
There are very many reasons why men cheat, but the biggest one is because women allow it.