I am sorry if you will think that is vulgar, but I believe it has to be said, especially for all those young women falling prey to the idea that ‘turning a man on’ means that they love them.

Recently, a young lady, just about 19 years of age, approached me to talk about a messy situation that had befallen her. As she sobbed through the story, she told me about a man, 12 years older than her, who had wooed her for a few months and told her that he was desperately in love with her.

When she finally gave in to his sexual requests (because apparently, the guy kept telling her that his spontaneous erections meant that he was seriously in love with her), the relationship suddenly came to an abrupt end.

She says this man just stopped calling her and told her he had lost interest.

Sadly enough, this girl claims that this was the first man she had ever slept with.

Now, I can’t be 100% sure that her side of the story is the whole truth as other factors may have led to the ending of the relationship, but I must say that it is not the first time I have heard of women who confuse male sexual arousal and responses with love.

Those in the know say that an erection occurs when the nervous system activates a rapid increase in blood flow to the penis, thereby making it hard and ready for penetrative sex.

But almost any stimulus can cause these, whether a man is in love with a woman, just physically attracted to.

And that’s not to say that all men fall into this general category. Some genuinely combine physical attraction and emotional affection to their responses to their partners. And that would be the best kind of combination in a healthy relationship.

I am no expert but the best advice I gave to the young lady was to be sure next time that the man she was with was with her for genuine love.

If he won’t wait for you to be ready, or respect your decision to abstain, then he is not worth your time, or the tears you will cry in retrospect.

In this world where physical attributes – such as money, good looks, status and yes, erections – are equated to love, it is important to dig deeper beyond those to see what lies within the heart of the one who claims to love you.

This entry was posted on September 30th, 2009 at 9:34 am by Fungai Machirori and is filed under Reflections, Uncategorized, Women's issues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.