Look at me! I don’t even realise how unhappy I am until my aunt picks up the phone and I almost start to cry. I tell her that it’s not a nice feeling this “I told you so.” I tell her I can’t do this anymore. I tell her I can’t keep quiet and pretend that I’m some sort of functional type that can swallow all these election posters like there’s no tomorrow, and hey, everything’s going to be ok. Kind of like your mother saying sweetly, anyone for more chocolate cake when she knows you’re watching that lip of fat pout over your knicker line. The thing is people just keep coming. Wanting their fix, or their therapy. Sometimes they linger at the front door talking petitions, like, yeah babe they’re sure going to make a difference. Or if they get further in, past the gate, and the front door, they sink down and kneel on the floor in your office, talking possibilities. And all the time you’re thinking about slipping out the back door and going straight home.

Just been reading posts about Clerk of Parliament Austin Zvoma apparently lamenting that Parliament will not be able to house all the 270 MPs – in the event that all of them attend!

This once again brings us back to what has always been said since independence that Zimbabwe cannot afford a huge government, and not only afford, but its population just does not require as many MPs, as many cabinet ministers, as many idiots masquerading as informed public servants when we all know that entry to parly has always been nothing but a road to never-before-imagined riches.

And now Zvoma is publicly admitting that the country has too many MPs.

Yet we know from past experience that many MPs ignored sittings anyway, which means space will always be there!

It would be laughable were the circumstances different.

NGOs and political parties complained when the delimitation exercise created more constituencies, and as usual, the criticism was that the created constituencies were designed to give Zanu PF unfair advantage as these had been created in imaginary Zanu PF strongholds.

Now that they have been elected, they realise they cannot all fit into the once august house.

Of course we are aghast!

During the last parliament, MPs spent more time whining about their allowances, demanding all sorts of absurd perks bent on fleecing an already wafer-thin fiscus, now with the new crop (or crap depending on which side you butter your bread) of MPs belonging to an outfit that has not hidden its insatiable hunger for the filthy lucre, it is not remiss to say the country can expect more of that hemorrhaging of its parlous resources in the name of national duty.

Someone mentioned over the weekend that they are yet to meet anyone who is ecstatic about the July 31 poll outcome. The guy was kinda pissed off that everyone he met was complaining about what they sense are the tough times that lie ahead.

He was a middle aged man headed for Gokwe and like many people I have listened to since the poll results were announced, his was a story of a litany of hardships he has lived through over the years and according to him, the rural folks where his old mother lives remain a miserable lot yet are the same folks who “voted overwhelmingly” for Zanu PF.

He told me that at one time, he told them that he was no longer going to assist them with any resources seeing the way they choose to vote! He seemed to have a point.

I am also yet to meet anyone beating their chest about Zanu PF’s victory, but still meeting someone saying that they have not met any Zanu PF supporter in a rural area where Zanu PF won celebrating was very telling.

This man is one of many who have lost faith in the whole idea of elections and so-called democratic processes whose outcomes apparently do not have to reflect popular sentiment. So why hold elections then?

Many folks are just walking like zombies and their confusion and frustration is written all over their faces. And it ain’t nothing to laugh about.

Of course the usual fools will say in any election there are winners and losers, that SADC leaders have “endorsed” the poll results, that inauguration in definitely on this week, but then the very fact that this inauguration will happen against what appears to be muted excitement from the people who allegedly voted for the continuation of bad governance could well mean there are some people who are hell bent on seeing chaotic scenes of protest.

Haven’t we already seen protests as young disgruntled urban youths rightfully feel they have been violated?

And it is the kind of stuff that makes you believe this is just what someone out there is baying for, after all, this country is ruled by people who do not bat an eyelid telling anyone they do not agree with they will punch you in the nose or they are going to shoot you the same way they shot whites back in the 1970s. Some country this is.

You do not need to be a physician to appreciate that so many people are now traumatized by the poll outcome and these unhappy family men and women could well fill any PTSD emergency room.

One only has to browse through social media sites where posts show that Zimbabweans have increasingly become very religious in the aftermath of the elections.

And indeed Zimbabweans are leaving everything to God, the same God others believe has given them the mandate to rule till eternity.

Over the weekend, an old man pointed me to large swathes of land in the Ngezi-Mhondoro area and explained how the landscape has changed over the years, how large herd of cattle disappeared, how land lies fallow, how small-holders in Gokwe have abandoned cotton farming because the state purchaser of this commodity offered these “peasants” peanuts. Recall that Gokwe was once celebrated as home to “white gold” as communities made small fortunes as cotton farmers.

You could only wonder if he was talking about the same country celebrating the success of land reform despite the same country importing maize from Zambia!

But then I only needed to recall the misery of tobacco farmers who each year complain that they bring their produce to Harare where they spend nights out in the open only to be offered ridiculous prices.

Like the other man said, he is yet to meet anyone who tells a different story about making a living out of the land, yet this is one of many things that get so many angry recalling that all hope they had for a fresh beginning was stolen along with the election.

But then, like the MDC has been advised, we should (very grudgingly) all move on…

Zimbabwe’s Prime Minister, Movement for Democratic Change President Morgan Tsvangirai has filed an election petition with the Constitutional Court. In it, he lists “numerous corrupt and illegal practices and other electoral malpractices and irregularities.” Tsvangirai argues that Zimbabwe’s 31 July election is void, and asks that it be set aside.

Tsvangirai’s election petition speaks of bribery, media bias, misuse of voter registration slips, turning away of voters at polling stations, problems with the use of assisted voting, and other irregularities. You can read the document submitted to the Constitutional Court here.

The case is set to be heard at the Constitutional Court tomorrow (Saturday) at 2pm.

However, regardless of the number of irregularities, or the strength of his case, the presidential election petition seems unlikely to change much in Zimbabwe. The Constitutional Court which will hear it is the Court of judges, appointed by President Mugabe, who created Zimbabwe’s 31 July farce election in their first Constitutional Court judgement of 31 May.

As one Kubatana supporter put it: “Tsvangirai should go for Plan B because going to court will change nothing. He will never win this battle against Mugabe.”

Update: In an affidavit submitted to the Constitutional Court the afternoon of Friday, 16 August, Tsvangirai said “it is with deep regret and sadness” that he was withdrawing the Presidential Election Petition. You can read Tsvangirai’s affidavit withdrawing the election petition to Zimbabwe’s Constitutional Court here.

Kubatana! Better days are coming … they’re called Saturday and Sunday. We’ve got a question for ZEC: were there no spoiled ballots in this election? Yes, people are muttering, why doesn’t MT ever have a Plan B other than going to court. Simba Makoni has said that assisted voting was used to intimidate voters. ZEC has said that nearly 305,000 voters were turned away during last week’s elections and 207,000 voters were “assisted” to cast their ballot. Zanu PF is up 61 seats from 2008 and MDC is down 51 seats from 2008. Pressure has continued to mount for South African President Jacob Zuma to back the call for an independent audit of last week’s elections in Zimbabwe. Sisonke Msimang writing for the Daily Maverick believes that: As currently practiced, African standards, certainly in respect to elections and democratic governance, basically suck. Aid to Africa must have a sell-by date, says Donald Kaberuka head of African Development Bank: conscious that strong economic numbers alone are not enough, he also stresses the importance of inclusive growth and among the keys to inclusive growth is the management of natural resources, which are a significant driver of economic prosperity. Note: a good reason why Zanu PF must use funds from diamonds to raise the standard of living of all Zimbabweans. Johannesburg, the commercial capital of South Africa, is home to far more dollar millionaires than any other city in Africa. Cairo and Lagos are runners up. Officials in Kenya investigating the massive airport fire that gutted the arrival hall at Nairobi’s main airport said Thursday that first responders looted electronics, a bank and an ATM during and after the blaze. Hundreds gathered in Nairobi yesterday to commemorate the 15th anniversary of the Al-Qaeda attacks on the US embassy. There was singing, preaching and candle lighting as survivors recalled the tragedy that claimed 223 lives and injured thousands.Campaigners pressing Barclays to keep open cash transfer businesses to poorer countries have presented a petition to Downing Street signed by 25,500 people, including Olympic gold winner Mo Farah. (Perhaps the MDC should get a petition signed by his turned away voters and present that to the Big Boys?). South African jockey S’manga Khumalo who first saw a horse aged 14 won country’s biggest race last month after 116 consecutive years of white winners. And finally a Nigerian police officer gets the sack less than 24 hours after secretly filmed footage apparently showing him trying to extort money from a motorist went viral. Come on Zimbabwe, we can do it too, snap them to sack them.

It is interesting, disturbing in fact, that state media is goading complaints about the number of people turned away and also assisted to vote on July 31 as insignificant that even considered in a recount, will not tip the vote in favour if Tsvangirai. Thus by implication, Tsvangirai is being told he is pissing against the wind.

But then that’s missing the whole point. Yet with state media, missing the point is big business!

That this happened in the first place points to deeper flaws of the whole election and with complicity from people vested with public trust but became no different from a school teacher who rapes students.

If people could be turned away, it certainly becomes a violation of their constitutional right to exercise their franchise, if people could be assisted to vote under dubios circumstances, it raises questions about guided voting, all of which are serious breaches of SADC’s own Principles and Guidelines Governing Democratic Elections to which Zimbabwe is expected to adhere.

Even if the numbers will never catch up with the ridiculous percentage points claimed by Zanu PF, that this happened points to Zanu PF’s misplaced sense of triumph in that you cannot claim victory and prepare a shindig when everyone is crying foul.

Yet it again points to Zanu PF’s disregard for fair play (which would be naive in politics but is certainly desired!), but then one will recall the late John Makumbe saying Zanu PF did not want this new Constitution because it was too democratic for Zanu PF’s liking!

Even as the matter is taken to court as a mere “right thing to do” despite all evidence of it being a futile exercise considering the 2002 challenge was flushed down the loo, the whole idea is to put this on record that this whole election – not just the results – was a farce.

It’s not even about overturning Mugabe’s victory, but Zimbabwe being serious in ensuring people’s vote is not tampered with. As it is, all things point to that this is what exactly happened.