I am asked all the time (but I probably ask it just as often), “What is going to happen with the elections?” Short answer, “I don’t know, I don’t have a crystal ball, if I did, I would have more money than I do now!”

It is an interesting question, even though the result will be the same as it was last elections. Zanu PF will lose the elections, but will not lose power. MDC will win the elections, but will not take power.

Consider, 2008. End result, MDC is the largest group in parliament. Most MPs. Most seats. Most constituencies. But do they start calling themselves the “ruling party”? Do they repeal POSA in their five years as the ruling party (or repeal any laws)? Do they rule? We are a parliamentary democracy, Zimbabwe is legally ruled by parliament.

Presidential election – disputed. But the MDC’s candidate wins that, not by, but they still won. Why do they allow the losing party’ s candidate to remain at his former post? But either way, why is the former ruling party, and it’s Presidential candidate still regarded as the “ruling party”? Why does the real “ruling party” not rule?

So my prediction for 1 August 2013: Zanu PF will lose the elections, but will not lose power.

What would be really interesting – if the MDC (or anyone but the former ruling party) took a massive election victory. How would the current regime hold on to power? We know they will, but how?

In addition to our dear spouses
and our allocation of small houses,
we will have an escort in every town,
growth-point and village: novice, hand-me-down,
school girl, slut… whatever takes our fancy.
We will relegate to sties all nancy
boys, to kennels all dykes, who will be cured,
in God’s good time, well and truly skewered,
by patriotic soldiers with long poles.
Sell-outs will be buried in ant bear holes
after overturning, or hitting trees.
All judges will be given factories
to asset-strip; and Generals will get mines,
with free access to anything that shines.
All policemen loyal to the Party
will be allowed to keep their bribes.  Hearty
support will be given to servile priests,
and Russians will be entertained with feasts
using cattle from sycophantic whites:
Rhodies with insatiable appetites
for Four-by-fours, biltong, safari camps,
the nostalgic smell of paraffin lamps.
Aliens will be cast into outer
darkness.  The First Lady will obtain her
beauty products from Harrods and Dubai.
We will encourage white people to die
because it’s only then that we can trust
Blair’s kith and kin. “Eternity or Bust”
Is our slogan.  We affirm that bullets
are mightier than ballots, and true lies
make a nation healthy, wealthy, and wise.
We will double the strength of the forces,
give them live ammunition and horses
to crush traitors who disturb our cities
(especially girls who bare their titties.)
We will not tolerate freedom of speech,
freedom of assembly, freedom of each
and every citizen to criticize
our Excellency: all knowing; strong ties
with North Korea; Africa’s Jesus!
Nations prostrate themselves when he sneezes,
and the world entire is shaken to bits
when Big Boy squats on his people – and shits.

Expand the conversation: If you could ask your councillor, MP, presidential candidate One Question, what would it be? We’ll get your voice heard. Please email your question and where you live to: products [at] kubatana [dot] net

You add, we multiply!

After the signal blackout by the South African Broadcasting Corporation the free to air decoders acquired by most Zimbabweans are now symbolic and a reminder of what used to be an alternative source of entertainment. Recently I was watching a debate on ZBC’s “Melting Pot” and I expected to see a pot really melting with some lively debate but my expectations were a bit high. The debate turned out to be a rehearsed and a one sided event with in-between citation of a certain political party’s manifesto which I am sure by now viewers can now sing every word by heart. The show anchor actually did not even shy away from showing his party allegiance to an extent that one would have mistook him for a campaign manager of a certain political party. My previous dealing with shows like these would be remote in hand, flipping channels on my free to air decoder or settling my dollar for two movies from the streets.

I am not alone in this fix. The signal cut off by SABC has affected Zimbabwe’s generation of young viewers who had fallen in love with dramas and soaps from down south. Our own local production companies tried to lure young audiences with locally produced dramas and soap operas but the story line ended up getting tired and boring like the actors. The recycling of the usual actors was a big turn off to young viewers especially when our local television is competing with the youth targeted and fast paced programming from SABC and other digital satellite broadcasting stations. The reason why most Zimbabweans preferred to invest in the free to air decoders is they got tired of Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation’s programming and monopoly of the airwaves. Also DSTV subscriptions are just too exorbitant.  How to do you expect to compete for viewers when programs like “Madzinza eZimbabwe” and some Korean documentaries with subtitles are aired during prime time viewing when SABC offers programs like Isidingo and Generations? Neither would one expect to watch a repeat of  ‘Talking Farming” after a long day at work.

But since I’m still searching for an the alternative here is my Friday prime time fix from ZBC-TV & Channel 2:

1730-1830 – NHAU/INDABA
1830-1930 – WOZA FRIDAY
1930-1931 – NEWS HEADLINES
1931-2000 – REVELATIONS
2000-2100 – NEWS HOUR
2100-2115 – ZANU PF – THE MANIFESTO
2115-2145 – MA 1 EP 03
2145-2300 – FRIDAY NIGHT ACTION MOVIE:
2300-2315 – LATE NIGHT NEWS
2315-2330 – ACTION MOVIE  (CONTINUATION)
2330-0000 – MY WIFE AND KIDS
0000-0100 – DOCUMENTARY
0100-0400 – IN CONCERT
0400-0530 – MOVIE:  PLEASURE PALACE
0530-0555 – SINJALO EP 11

With just 15 days to go until Zimbabwe’s harmonised election 31 July, Kubatana subscribers are sharing their on-the-ground observations and citizen reports. In the words of our subscribers:

Chiredzi North Zanu PF winner for MP primary elections yesterday failed to campaign since he gave everything to women at Buffalo Range. Nothing was given to any male attender there.

Please tell Elliot Pfebve to be serious if the party is to win Bindura North. We haven’t seen him while Zanu PF is busy campaigning. Is he still in UK? Please Pfebve prove that you a strong man.

At the MDC-T rallies, the MDC-T leader should take advantage to counter the utterances by ZANU PF to resuscitate the Zim-dollar currency. The Zim-dollar era still brings sad memories of the hard times we underwent through eg inflation, queues for anything everywhere, shortages of goods, cash,etc. The MDC-T should also be careful to handle the question of devolution of power esp in Matebeleland so as to counter utterances by the Ncube/Dabengwa coalition.

I’m in Mufakose. We are being forced to attend Zanu PF rallies and to know who to vote for.

if the rig we do not want to let them do what they want.if they want to kill,they are going to kill everyone.we are going to street as much as every zimbabwean to oust these frogs.change will rule and this is the time.kana vachifunga kuti vacharambirapo regai mazuva akwane varavire zvatakavagadzirira.tirikunopinda mustate house next month masikati.toita zvekumubvisa isisu povho.hakuna mupuriss kana musoja anokwanisa kucontrolla.it will be unstopable.takatsamwa kudarika ivo.tell every mdct suppoter out there kuti ngatisimuke kana vafunga kupenga tichapenga kuvadarika.kana vachifunga kuti vakapenga regai tivaratidze kunonzi kupenga.tazotsamwa manje.tell everyone that revolution is coming.togeyher we will remove mugabe and his thieves. we are tired of this noncense

Aspiring candidate for Wedza North constituency Engineer Musanhi with his Toyota Hilux is seen mobilising some youths to go and attend and listen the  octagenerian leader who is around the country to lure people to vote for him.But not many are willing to attend bt i can see that maybe in the long run many are going to be forced in a bid to break the record made by the long rival of Mugabe,the Premier Morgan Richard Tsvangirai during the launch of the Party Manifesto in the same town.

I wonder if the Sadac Observers have noted it that many Mdc-T posters in Wedza Centre have been all torn,ask them what they think about that.Is there any fair ground to these elections.Im saying things that even a blind man can see.

The chaos of special voting for Zimbabwe’s 31 July harmonised election continued yesterday, and even into this morning.

Updates from Nehanda Radio suggested voting stretching into the early hours of this morning in some locations, due to delays in the opening of polling stations because voting materials came late.

• 16 July – 01:20 “Still at the polling station at Gweru D.A. only 333 ballots came to add to yesterday’s 107 out of 1700, now cops were threatening to lock in polling officers and were turning rowdy and the district commanding officer had to be called. Polling agents and election officers are just sitting inside awaiting further instructions from ZEC. I think today its Pungwe.” ‪#‎NehandaCitizenReports‬

• 16 July -  01:07 “At Rusununguko Polling station, only 13 were able to cast their votes. 2 regular police details and 2 constabulary members. As I am talking now we are in the ZUPCO bus no ballot papers until now. Female police members crying foul and promised not 2 return 2morrow. A ZANU-PF MP Mr Matangaidze for Shurugwi south intended to give food to the police officers @ around 0100hours but they refused. Ndizvowo here izvi!” ‪#‎NehandaCitizenReports‬

Feedback from our SMS subscribers told a similar story, for example:

• 16 July – 9am – My brother managed to vote this morning at Mabvuku Hall, Harare East
• 15 July – 8:30pm – Voting is too slow in Bindura. At Kambira polling station only 3 people have voted. Most ovters have never seen their envelopes. ZEC is just weak. People are seeing it as a way of delaying voters.
• 15 July – 6pm – Voting yet to start at Mberengwa East polling station.

It’s illegal to place bets on the outcome of the election. But anyone willing to place bets on whether the special voting chaos influences the AU summit on Friday – and gets them to push for a postponement of the election?