The Musasa Project as a follow up to a previous discussion on why educated and economically empowered women stay in abusive marriages last week hosted a discussion on how men manipulate women into blaming themselves for their failed marriages. The dominant themes revolved around issues of lobola (bride-price), socialisation and the question of patriarchy.

Lobola that in principle is supposed to be a token that’s paid to the woman’s parents is now practically viewed as a return on investment. Bride-price is now so exorbitant it often feels like the woman is being sold to the highest bidder. The discussion raised the point that this creates resentment in the marrying husband that may manifest later on in the marriage. For instance the husband may use that against the wife with the excuse that since he paid for her, she has no right to refuse him anything, especially conjugal rights.

Women also largely blamed the way they were and continue to be socialised by society and especially, other womenfolk in the form of aunts and mothers. They are told from early childhood the male is the head, is always rights and that everything they do should be to please the husband. It emerges that women are the primary socialisers as well the gatekeepers of patriarchy. In essence this means women are the main oppressors of other women.

The former is a dimension that goes largely goes unexplored because in a way it is deemed inconceivable, that women themselves are the major culprits. For starters, the word manipulate itself is quite vague and rather broad. I mean, it is hard to imagine how men sit down to plan and strategise how to subordinate their women to such an extent that they end up blaming themselves and not finding any fault with their husbands.

I believe that no one can do to you what you haven’t already done to yourself. It becomes a question of the concept of self, self- esteem and choice. Most women do not want to realise the fact that they have a choice. Most are addicted to approval and will not fulminate against societal expectations that oppress them. Some feel they just have to be married in order to have a sense of self and social standing.

On the issue of lobola, admittedly it has really gone out of hand. These days, anyone who plans to marry starts saving up for the occasion, in US dollars so that by the time they have enough, it will not have been eroded by inflation. If at some point in history a goat or one cow was sufficient to take in a wife, surely parents of today are distorting culture for personal financial gain. This is only counterproductive in the sense that it is their daughter who ends up taking the heat. In this one instance, I think the NIPC becomes a valid entity. If lobola issues are what cause disharmony later on in some marriages, then I think price regulations in this regard are well worth exploring, maybe under the domestic violence act.

At the end of it all, if we really cared about our women, it becomes important to desocialise ourselves of a whole lot of norms and societal expectations that play a subtle yet crucial role in later oppressing them in their married lives. There is need to instil new family values among which boy and girl children are seen and treated as equals, even if it starts with having boys also scrubbing floors and dishes. I believe this goes a long way in inculcating a sense of appreciation and respect of what women stand for on the part of men. I believe that a young man who grows up seeing his sister being the cook and the cleaner while he sits will at a later stage view his wife in the same way. He will not be moved to help or at least appreciate the tiring work she does simply because he was socialised to believe that’s the way its supposed to be, and this is one of the major problems faced in marriage.

I believe it is crucial to desocialise the husband-wife relationship from being a master- servant one to that one of friendship. Friends respect and treat each other as equals.

It is also crucial for society to recognise and respect women who have left failed marriages to stand on their own, not to treat them as outcasts while pinning various derogatory epithets on them for making such bold moves. They have already paid the price to be different.

Above all, it is important for women themselves to learn to feel for each other, instead of encouraging each other to hold on where things are obviously not working. They need to realise that their happiness is important too and that they have a right, as well as a choice to enjoy bodily integrity. Instead of blaming the men for manipulating them, it may do some good to do a little self-criticism because it is they that allow them to get away with it. If at all it is the case that men do somehow manipulate women, the fact that the women themselves realise this should spur them into action that will stop any further manipulation.

For six days each year, Harare gardens often serving as home to Zimbabwean street kids roars into life with the Harare International Festival of the Arts (HIFA). 2008 is proving to be no different with just as many artists determined to perform, and just as many tourists, visitors and locals thronging the festival despite the biting costs and general hardships bedeviling the Zimbabwe.

Attendance to the Chiwoniso and Trio Ivoire show easily passed the 3000 mark. Half of the audience were foreign visitors of all races who did not understand a single Shona word but who simply loved the mbira-playing beautiful songstress affectionately known as ‘Chi’.

However the artists were not the only ones lighting up the place. HIFA is the place where the who’s who hang out, doing business or just relaxing with their families amidst a plethora of artistic entertainment. This is currently the place where one gets to rub shoulders with some of the best artists in the country.

The youth zone also captivated huge audiences with creative programs intended to involve the youth and keep the young children occupied. Children were taught, among other things, yoga and the Brazilian war dance called Capoeira. They also got the opportunity to lip-sync to their favorite songs. In the youth zone there were stands set up by organizations like Childline offering free counseling services.

*Trio Ivoire formed in 1999 when its three members met in the Ivory Coast. On plays piano, the other drums and the last, marimba. They recently released an album called Touching Africa.

At the HIVOS Poetry Cafe on May Day poetry lovers were fed with combinations of humor, political satire and protest music and poetry.

Zimbabwe Poets for Human Rights member, Tapfuma Jongwe, particularly caught the audience’s attention with a piece titled ‘Valentine’. It is the name of a woman he once loved but who left him to go to South Africa where she died suddenly. He laments the general problems lovers face in an economy such as the one prevailing in Zimbabwe. Among other things the poet points out that on Valentine’s Day, they used to have candle-lit dinners, but out of no choice this happens anyway due to the power-cuts. With Zimbabwe ailing before its 30th birthday, Jongwe asks, “What is democracy when state agents use weapons of mass destruction against defenseless university students armed only with their brains?” “What is democracy, when taxes from hard working civil servants go to build mansions in Kuala Lumpur? “What is democracy when civil servants cannot afford a single crate of lion lager and only the ‘chefs’ are well fed nowadays.”

In short, the poet espoused the loss of the meaning of Labor Day among ordinary folk.

The poetry cafe was also graced by outspoken Kenyan, Shailja Patel and Norwegian flute mistress, Linn Heidi Anderson.

Underlying themes ranged from the daily struggles of ordinary citizens oppressed by an unfriendly socio-economic and political environment to humorous descriptions of Africa being one of the greatest places to be. At the end of it all, it was clear that a lot of truth is said in jest.

Acclaimed poet and author, Ignatius Mabasa, rounded off the day with the reminder that after all is said and done, we can only look to God to salvage us from the mess we find ourselves in. Famously dubbed ‘God’s poetry’ by the press, Mabasa had the audience in stitches with his analogy of an old man who laments the fact that he can’t seem to be able to aim his manhood directly into the loo. He misses all the time and above all, he can’t seem to remember why he ‘lost’. Another acclaimed poet, Chirikure Chirikure described Mabasa’s poetry as “political pornography”.

In response to my last blog, somebody going by the name DA Mal raised some very interesting and relevant points. He/she wrote: “… what, exactly, do democratic Zimbabweans expect South Africa to do? Thabo Mbeki is right about one thing – it’s your country, and in the end getting rid of your dictator must be your solution. Every thinking South African agrees that we are not doing enough to help you. But, if we were to offer genuine, unalloyed and uncompromised help, such as JZ (Jacob Zuma) might likely offer, then what would you want from us?”

Well, I’m sure Da Mal is not the only one who fails to see exactly what Mbeki, or the rest of SADC, including its ordinary citizens can do, and must do. My first point would be to say that if there really wasn’t anything anyone could do, then what would be the point of appointing a mediator in the first place? What did former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan do for the crisis in Kenya? I hasten to add, that as much as this problem is ours and this is our country, the effects of whatever goes on here may also be felt regionally. Moreover, I believe that a call for help is not a sign of weakness, but of courage. Zimbabweans live under the iron fist of a practically untouchable dictator who moves around in the company of a kilometer long armed motorcade. They also risk being shot dead for coming within the 10-meter perimeter of state house. They live in constant and real fear of losing their lives because unlike other places, here the respect for the right to life is in short supply. They have seen footage of police bashing in the heads of dissenters with baton sticks. They have witnessed peaceful protesters like the WOZA women beaten thoroughly in places normal people would hesitate to hit a woman. Some people have died mysteriously or just disappeared. Can Zimbabweans then be blamed for fearing for their lives?

In short, there is a hell of a lot Mbeki, or our neighbors can do. For instance, we applaud the move by members of SATAWU and the South African naval intelligence for resisting and blocking the entry of the arms reportedly en route to Zimbabwe aboard a Chinese ship. Some sensible people realized the arms were headed into a peaceful country full of defenseless people who were just going to be annihilated simply for daring to want a different government. We are grateful for that. Should the arms arrive somehow, (which is very likely to happen thanks to Mugabe’s loyal friends in SADC), at least SA should be proud for having done the right thing.

Another thing Mbeki, SA or the rest of SADC can do is make it difficult for these big chefs to enter their countries. Hit them with another wave of sanctions; ‘local’ ones this time around. A few colleagues also feel that South African can be a little more tolerant of Zimbabwean refugees. The reports of serious xenophobia down south are distressing. It may help for our neighbors to remember that this can easily happen to them also, and they’d have to depend on others for mere survival.

Mr Mbeki could also be helpful by either keeping quiet and admitting he can’t handle it then step down, or if not, at least stop insulting people’s intelligence by misrepresenting the facts as they are. The man insists on describing his lack of action as diplomacy then has the nerve to say “loud diplomacy” is not diplomacy. Really? I thought the word diplomacy was a verb describing certain tact or artfulness intended to achieve something. What is quiet diplomacy anyway? Let me guess; wait and see? What is that intended to achieve?

If Annan could broker a deal that saw a semblance of peace descend on Kenya, then surely, talks conducted in the right way can achieve positive results? For a lot of people the question of what Mbeki can do, is out of question.

So, clever Mr Mbeki has half succeeded in getting a lot of people, including the heads of state who attended the SADC emergency summit to actually begin to doubt whether there is a crisis in Zimbabwe. His immortal words “There is no crisis in Zimbabwe,” really left a lot of minds boggled.

What do you call a 37 year life-expectancy, an inflation rate over 165 000%, 85% unemployment, an education system gone to the dogs, intermittent to no supply of water and electricity, supermarket shelves that are literally empty and hospitals that can only prescribe paracetamol for all ailments? Moreover, in case you haven’t noticed Mr Mbeki, there are at least over 3 million Zimbabweans living as asylum seekers in your country. Is that not a crisis? Will that not somehow degenerate into a crisis?

Now look what you’ve done, even more sensible people are actually finding it hard not to believe a respectable man like yourself, yet you really misrepresented the situation going down here. This wait and see policy smacks of cruelty. How badly do you want the situation to degenerate before something can be done? How many times has SADC told itself it has learnt lessons from disasters of old like the Rwanda genocide or most recently, the Kenya political turmoil that saw many lives needlessly destroyed? Next, SADC is going to learn from Zimbabwe too, but only after deaths occur? It is sad to note that regional leaders cant seem to realize that if the situation in Zimbabwe fails to stabilize, it affects the whole region through the creation of economic and political refugees.

How will you live with yourself, with innocent people’s blood on your hands? I can understand if there really isn’t much you can do, but the least you can do is discard that distressing hear-no-evil, see-no-evil speak-no-evil attitude and probably keep quiet rather than calling a stain no stain.

Or you could at least encourage the ZEC to just tell us the presidential result already. It’s now so apparent your friend is going nowhere, so please, help make it official. However, it’s a consolation to know South Africans will not have such a hard time getting rid of their president.

It’s less than 24 hours before e-day and I’m wondering to myself why I don’t feel as excited as most of my colleagues. I mean this is the mother of all elections, and the anticipation and the need for change that ought to be infectious seems to be having no effect on me. Not intending to cloud everyone else’s excitement though I’ll tell you how I feel. I have this greatest sense of foreboding. Yeah, a couple of my friends are convinced I’m just a natural pessimist but I tell you, this cloud hanging over me is so real – nothing to do with pessimism this.

Why do I feel this way? Well, I don’t know. I’m not sure whether I’m afraid of disappointment, or if by some lucky streak, “change” does hit us, will it be more of the same old? I’m kind of finding it hard to imagine that should Bob lose the election, he’d be out of State House in exactly 72hours.

I’m afraid of all kinds of things that may happen, the irony of the possibility of finally having Zimbabwe’s life president ousted, even though he swore it would never happen in his lifetime. I’ll tell you what would more ironic than that though. It is having the little known, much underestimated Langton Towungana win the presidential race.

I wonder if I’m the only one who feels strange . . .