Number plates
These are not required on your vehicle. Even though the new ones could only be made by some senior politician’s company, and they were found to be the same as a neighbouring country’s, and they have a cute little hologram in them, you may drive around for many months without displaying any, front or back. If you are stopped, claim they must have fallen off on the last pothole, they were in your back window but got lost somehow, or if all that fails, give them your license (see below).

License
You are required to drive with a license (or several). The Zimbabwe license is printed in green ink, and has ’10′ printed prominently on it in several places. Should you be stopped for any reason, you are required to hand you license to the ZRP, at which point you will be free to go. Your license will make ANYTHING, okay. Speeding, driving with undue care, having an unroadworthy vehicle, proceeding through a red light, etc. Right of way If your car is bigger, newer, shinier, or more expensive, then you have the right of way. You can go through the lights first, or the intersection if the lights are not working, you have the right o believe that the lights are not working and therefore you can go through, and everyone else must stop. If your car has four wheels, you can obviously go faster than any two wheeled vehicle (with or without motor), and they must give you right of way (you should not even look).

Traffic Lights
You MUST creep forward at the lights. This is easily done if you have a new automatic. Just don’t bother to keep your foot on the brake, and do not take it out of drive. If you drive a manual transmission, you must keep it in gear (do NOT save fuel), and slip the clutch. The reason for this is simple. The lights can see you. And they appreciate you are important and NEED to be somewhere. The lights, therefore, will change more quickly if you creep into the intersection. Even though we can afford super lights, that can see, we cannot afford road marking paint. So ignore where the old stop line used to be, and stop only a paper thickness away from the intersection (even if you cannot see the lights from there) – but do not accelerate rapidly away from that position, finish your cell call first. If this appears to annoy others, in any way, justify yourself (for being slow or fast), as “you thought the lights were broken”.

Overtaking
Multi lane intersections are a good place to overtake, and show off, that you have a faster, newer car and therefore the right of way. Pull into a centre lane (or whichever is empty), and then make a wide (just turn) into the turning lane (right or left). This may also be done, pulling into a turning lane, and then going straight, forcing other traffic to avoid you and turn a newspaper vendor into road pizza (plenty more where they came from). Stopping The yellow curbs, and all yellow lines, do not apply to you. Other people yes, but not you. You may stop there to talk on your cell phone (which is not obligatory, cell phones should be spoken into at speed, both speed of voice, and speed of vehicle). You may stop there while you ‘just dash in’ to pay your DSTV subscription, pick up passengers, unload a delivery of generators, etc, (even though the ‘dash’ includes times spent in two queues). It is recommended you pull into an intersection, and block traffic approaches on the ‘smaller’ road, while you let off passengers into the larger road’s stream of traffic.

Parking
The sign in front of the grocery shop saying, “No Stopping in Front of Entrance” does not apply to you. After all, you are ‘just dashing in’ to get your week’s foodstuffs. And the people coming out with shopping trolleys ‘will control them’.

School zones
The signs that say ‘No Stopping’ are put there (or were put there, many have been conveniently removed or pushed down now) for other parents. No one would DARE turn your ‘precious little bundle’ into a road pizza. And your children are entering a learning institution. Teach them how to be aloof from ‘the laws of others’. Stop right on the pedestrian crossing. Do not pull over where the road widens, but in the narrowest part. Teach your kids to ‘dash’. Looking both ways is someone else’s job. Do not leave the stream of traffic. You will never get back into it again.

Four Way Flashers
If you have your four way flashers on, no other rules of the road need apply. You may stop in a centre lane to let passengers down. You may turn left from a centre lane. You may stop, as long as necessary, to wait for correct change, (and argue about it) from a newspaper vendor. You may stop in a centre lane and change a tyre, or check that noise under the bonnet.

Road repairs
These are best done in the stream or traffic, or potential stream. Do not attempt to pull off to the verge, as someone might miss you. This is especially the case when in hilly country, where there may be blind rises and fast moving traffic. In addition, in hilly country, you must not allow gravity to assist in helping you to clear your vehicle or large truck from the stream of traffic. Intersections are also a good place to break down, and if a repair vehicle comes by and takes yourself and parts away for fixing, on no account must you use gravity, that vehicle, or any labour, to clear the breakdown out of the way, even if only a meter away. People returning to the scene may not find the broken down vehicle.

Much as I lament, along with many people it seems, the oil leak off the USA coast, I must also say, “glad it happened to them”.

It follows on another report I heard, some two weeks before and now long forgotten, that the US armed forces were having trouble keeping their numbers up. Too many potential recruits were obese.

Do so few people see the connection? Everyone is caught up in the blame game – BRITISH Petroleum (there is no petrol in Britain!) – blame them! Make them clean it up! Etc. The only United Stateser (an American from the United States, as opposed to an American from Guatemala or Brazil) to say anything sensible is the Governor of California, (and he is an Austrian by descent!) who will not support any more offshore drilling.

Why the confusion? United Statesers are too fat to defend themselves. United States consumes 80 percent (last I heard) of the world’s oil. The blame (and therefore the solution) is too easy! Stupid yanks – park your cars, get off your FAT asses, and start walking. Then, you could actually defend yourselves, and the world (no longer driven by your fat demands), could stop drilling for offshore oil. In the meantime – glad it happened to you.

Left Harare on 21 Jan. Got a ride to the office, then to the airport, plane delayed by 2 hours, but we finally got to Nairobi (via Dar Es Salaam). Friday, got a flight to Goma. Flying over the great lakes region shows that it has heavy land use. Every scrap of ground has something on it, and very hilly ground too.

In Goma, we have to produce passports and yellow fever vaccine certificates. Jean Pierre and Ali take us to the VIP Palace Hotel. No view of the lake, as promised in the brochure, but lunch is fish and chips. A whole fish, fins, scales, tail, head and all, and it will not fit on the plate! What a change from Zimbabwe. Went for a walk after lunch. There are herds of goats, people washing motorcycles at the side of the lake with lake water, few people swimming (no crocodiles in this lake, sulfurous gases), and the traffic! Notwithstanding that the roads are basically two rut tracks, there are vehicles all over them. And motorcycles – small 125 roadsters – with two people on them and looking for a another passenger. In Goma, they make their own bicycles. All in wood. Two wheels, frame, handlebars. No brakes, no pedals. But it is a bicycle nevertheless. Loaded with stuff (wood, charcoal) and pushed along, or ridden downhill.

There are no buildings over 4 stories in Bukavu, and very few that are two. All wall dominant architecture though. Very continental European. The influence of Bauhaus and Gropius is strong in some houses. Few tile roofs mainly sheet metal. It rains all the time. And the architecture is very ‘peculiar’. I am now staying in a house where the only way into my room is through the bathroom. Has a window to the outside, but you have to go from my room to the bathroom (and hope no one is using it) then into the sitting room. Weird.

Shopping in Bukavu is quite a different thing. There are no ‘shops’, but plenty of vendor kiosks to structures of two rooms selling everything from computer printers and coke. Repackaged sugar (from a 20 kg to 20 x 1 kg plastic scrap bags). Shirts, and tins of beans. I watched someone selling oil (cooking oil) from a tub, pouring it into ‘bring your own bottles’. Everyone sells whatever they can to make a profit on that day.

More later.

Zanu PF has one objective – to remain in power. Everything else is subject to that caveat. The apparatus of state (power apparatus, army, police, tax office, civil service, currency, central bank, other economic tools, etc) are to be used to that effect. The population of Zimbabwe, and the services they require (education, health, infrastructure – roads, water, refuse disposal) are to be used to that effect. The economy, and the economic basics, all primary, secondary and tertiary portions, are to be used to that effect. The ‘war veterans’ are to be used to that effect. Race is to be used to that effect.

The members of the ruling party are in power to make money. I am not a Marxist for nothing – Karl Marx believed, and I agree with him, that economics/money is at the root of EVERYTHING; he said it went right down to marriage – to create a better economic unit. So Zanu PF is a business, as is all politics. It is a job, a method of employment, a wage earner, and if you are good (or good at it), a very good ‘wage’ earner. A method of getting rich!

Zanu PF discovered that it was possible to buy power – that is, purchase people to keep them in power. This is known as patronage. And the army – civil servants with guns – were the most important ones to by bought.

Zanu PF discovered that there was no need to balance the budget. Feel free to spend more than you earn, because so long as you can print money, you can cover the gap. So long as there is no free press, or anyone to ask prying questions (eg a civil service that answers to Zimbabwe and not Zanu PF), they do not have to be bought off.

Civil service jobs (right up to the ministers) were the traditional method (as most socialist/labour/left wing governments are accused of) of buying power/patronage. Then Zanu PF made unbudgeted payouts for the war vererans. Then all the Ministerial permanent secretaries’ jobs went to ‘retired’ soldiers. Then farms for everyone the rank of major and above, and most politicians as well.

However, the farms ‘redistribution’ was a last step. (And why did Zanu PF stop land redistribution in 1985?); a) they failed to put farmers on farms – which is a crucial mistake when your economy is based on agriculture to the extent that ours was. (This incidentally is why land redistribution before 1985 was successful – you had to have a Master Farmers Certificate to be awarded a land grant). b) those given farms discovered that you actually had to farm the land to make money. Simply owning a farm did not make one wealthy.

This meant that, the long term plan, to take the mines and businesses, encountered problems. Bith the potntial givers and takers realised that just handing them out would not be enough, so there was little point in stealing them. Unfortunately, the means of buying patronage was running out.

Remember how a government is supposed to work in an economy? A budget is needed, where income = expenditure. Income is from taxes. Taxes are those levied on the economy. If the economy has collapsed and no economic activity is occurring, your tax will be less (or nothing) and therefore, your expenditure will be/should be less. Expenditure is how you buy power/make money.

But if you can print money, what do you need to balance a budget for?  Print more money to cover the gap. And talk fast (made easy by a lack of a free press) and convince people that there is some other reason for inflation (or cholera for that matter). However there is a physical limit to how much you can print and talk. Eventually it runs out. Even the stupidist people begin to think for themselves. Again, the means of buying patronage was running out.

Patronage jobs are given to people who are loyal to the giver of the job. Not based on any ability to do that job. Hence, rising to the top of any ‘official’ organisation have been those loyal to Zanu PF. The abilty to manage, get things accomplished, achieve goals, motivate staff and get the maximum work out of them, make machines and other apparatus continue to function, vehicle fleets continue to drive, service to be provided – that is secondary.

So, when you now go to any ‘government’ body, and find that nothing has been done; a) they want a bribe – because there is no ‘real’ (government) pay, and the only reason to stay in that position is for what you can take home to feed your family (and since we are not paying them via the tax routeÉ) b) there is no one of any competence (or if there is, they are in some menial job at the back of the outer office down that corridor on the left out of the way of the public who might actually pay them) to do anything.

So now, nothing works. No education, no health services, no refuse collection, no water, no electricty, no fuel, no food. Everyone with any competence has a job. In the UK of South Africa. But not to worry, cholera is under control.

This ‘failure to separate’ also leads to a new problem. Now that the ‘ruling’ party is the official opposition, the civil service (right down to rural and municipal levels) is out of step with (new) ruling party policy. They are no longer able to ‘make’ ruling party policy, which kept them making money from their position. Therefore, they have a serious ‘disinterest’ in seeing a change of ruling party, or listening to new orders from new bosses (who are really just the representatives of their real, old bosses, the population of Zimbabwe). Their patronage post is in jeopardy.

There most definately has been a coup. It has certainly not been overt, nor has it happened at any partcular point. It was hidden, and it crept up. But compare today to ten of fifteen years ago. Who conducted the coup? That is another reason that it has not been noticed. It has not really been the army (the ZNA, ZDF, Z Air Force, etc) It has been conducted by what I call the the Zanla High. Remember that stretching back to liberation war days, Zanu was the political side, a front for, Zanla. One of the liberation armies, the one that won the war.

They are the military establishment. Despite the fact that the Mujurus retired, Mutasa and Mnangagwa are ‘civilians’, Chinamasa is a lawyer, one is a party Chairman, one’s a policeman, one a prison officer, Shiri flits from army to air force, and a few others are also inside this group – they are the ‘militant’ core of Zanu PF/ZANLA (or the new one). They are not currently, or possibly ever have been, part of the classic Zimbabwean military, but they are part of a junta that has taken control of Zimbabwe, often using the classic military. They maintain their theory of military/militant takeover. Hence the concern with martial law, Botswana bases, arms shipments, the JOC, etc. It is what they know (and how they did it).

Post liberation-struggle, they have maintained ‘alternatives’ as layers of cover. ZAPU was absorbed a a cover. The political party, Zanu PF was formed as a cover (with possibly the party chairman as cover for, or controling from within, the junta), SADC and the AU were useful curtains to be worked on from within, etc.

These layers of cover are slipping away. Zapu is leaving, for example. In addition there is the Makoni factor. Simply by surviving, even if he failed to win, he has demonstrated that the former ruling party does not have to be slavishly followed. You can make you own voice be heard, say different things, suggest different paths, all away from that dictated by the Zanla high command.

And the former ruling party is fracturing. Some want to use power to retain power. Some want to reform the party and its policies, to regain mass support (and that power). Some want to vut and run with the money they have already made. Some want to (need to) retain power, even if there is no more money to be made, in order to retain that which they have already stolen. Real heart attack material!

They are bombing each other. Killing each other. (Quite convinced now that they do have ‘degrees in violence’). Party elections are fired upon by the riot squad. The civil service with guns are beating up bank tellers, and openly stealing from forex dealers.

So now what? So now what? How can they hold on? And it is my opinion that change is happening. I will not say to what, or when it will be finished, but it is happening. They have to do something new, because the old ways are bankrupt (like the country). Former friends are gone, former enemies are still enemies, and are no longer crying for the implementation of the unity agreement, but the removal of the regime, and the civil service are on a go slow, mainly because they are waiting to see who their new bosses are going to be.

They cannot dollarise. a) this would be an admission of failure. Too serious to contemplate or cover up, expecially after the party chairman ranted on at length about our ‘sovereignty’. (Which they have done what with? And was an excuse for what?) It is fine to ‘licence’ forex shops (it provides an income to steal), or charge forex earners in dollars for their electricity (or to licence their generators), but they cannot overtly simply move to dollars. b) they would have to balance a dollar budget. There could be no printing to paper over those gaps. And with no economy to provide income, there could be no expenditure. And if they cannot pay the civil service with guns, who will protect them from the civil service with guns?

Cholera. This cannot be hidden. It is our only export at the moment. And it cannot be solved with the current system. Either the system must be changed (impossible), or force/power/guns must somehow solve it (dismiss the problems).

Hence, my feeling that change is happening. A more naked, open, junta control, with no facade of democracy, (with no patronage to offer). Or a shakedown to more democratic control, stable economy (one you can plan within), health and education, roads, public transport, etc.

Well, I do not know about you, but I have almost completely moved outside the Zanu PF economy. Of course, there is no point being in it. I cannot make it work, it does not work for me (nor anyone else it seems), nor does it even work for Zanu PF. And it is like voting. A bit of ‘voting with your feet,’ but I can do it without leaving. I can select the regime I want to be in, and I want to be in one that works.

And it is no longer foreign currency – it is now a local currency for working markets. The US dollar economy is the one that seems to work. You can sell goods and services in it, and buy goods and services in it. Work on a budget. Save. All those things we used to do, before they destroyed our medium of exchange by printing.

From the most basic economy, a barter economy, – you swap this or that you do not need for that which you do. Next step up, the introduction of a ‘medium of exchange’. You can then swap what you do not need for this currency device, and use this currency device to swap for stuff you do need later. The medium of exchange still has enough value, and retains it’s value for long enough, to make the bigger deal (what you did not need, for what you do need) viable after more than five hours. This ‘medium of exchange’, the Zanu PF dollar, is no longer that instrument. However, the USD is – or Rands will work too, or Yuan, Yen, Metcais, Pula, Kwacha, Pounds etc, just the USD we all know. And know it’s value.

So Zanu PF is now trying to control this economy. Despite our ‘sovereignty’. They are licensing US$ shops. (They even tried to license power generators in US$.) And of course they have to control it. The whole point of power, (which they are clinging to tenaciously) is to make money. So what is the point of controlling the counter, when everything happens under the counter? Moreover, a government must live in a budget. It collects revenue, from its citizens (tax) and in exchange provides them with services. The City government collects rates and takes away our refuse and provides roads with no potholes. A national government collects taxes (income, corporate, VAT, etc) and provides security (cross border – the ZNA, internal, the ZRP), water, education, health, passports etc. However, this local national government has destroyed the economy, therefore they have no tax base, therefore they provide no services.

Specifically, they cannot pay the Army. So they do it by printing more money, convincing the soldiers that it is a ‘medium of exchange’, so the guys with guns do not use them against their employers. Simple. However, it cannot last forever. The bubble will burst. The soldiers will realize that they are not really getting paid, but are working as Zanu PF volunteers.

However, for the rest of us (who do not have civil service jobs), the USD economy works. The main problem being cash. (Sounds like the Zanu PF one!) Getting enough cash for day-to-day transactions. Small bills for making change. Etc. But everyone has it. Gardeners and maids are getting paid in it (and very happy to be too). You can buy vegetables from the street vendors with it. Telephone top up cards. Everything you need to buy: meat, drinks, bread, milk, pet food, fuel, dinning out, movies, club subscriptions, books, paintings, etc is done in real money. A real medium of exchange.

You cannot put USD in a bank (for safe keeping) but then the bank is just a black hole anyway. I think I have about three accounts with there different institutions but there is nothing really there. Just Zanu PF money, and the figures are meaningless. 19 trillion times 57 billion at a rate of 63 gadzillion to 100 times nothing is 145 billion, million, trillion nothings.

Where can I get a picture of the honourable Prime Minister? I need one, we all need one, to go up beside the picture of the honourable President. After all, it was never the law (I have been assured by several lawyers) to hang a picture of the President up in public rooms. Therefore I must assume people did it from patriotism (not fear). And now that we have two leaders, and we are still patriotic, we must have pictures of both our two leaders up. For to have only one picture up would indicate that we did it because we wished to be involved in partisan politics. Now that we have two parties and two leaders ruling us, (long live the signing of the agreement!), both pictures would indicate patriotic support. While one picture would indicate partisan support. And no pictures would indicate . . . you like a clean wall and are waiting, along with the rest of us.