Just been reading posts about Clerk of Parliament Austin Zvoma apparently lamenting that Parliament will not be able to house all the 270 MPs – in the event that all of them attend!

This once again brings us back to what has always been said since independence that Zimbabwe cannot afford a huge government, and not only afford, but its population just does not require as many MPs, as many cabinet ministers, as many idiots masquerading as informed public servants when we all know that entry to parly has always been nothing but a road to never-before-imagined riches.

And now Zvoma is publicly admitting that the country has too many MPs.

Yet we know from past experience that many MPs ignored sittings anyway, which means space will always be there!

It would be laughable were the circumstances different.

NGOs and political parties complained when the delimitation exercise created more constituencies, and as usual, the criticism was that the created constituencies were designed to give Zanu PF unfair advantage as these had been created in imaginary Zanu PF strongholds.

Now that they have been elected, they realise they cannot all fit into the once august house.

Of course we are aghast!

During the last parliament, MPs spent more time whining about their allowances, demanding all sorts of absurd perks bent on fleecing an already wafer-thin fiscus, now with the new crop (or crap depending on which side you butter your bread) of MPs belonging to an outfit that has not hidden its insatiable hunger for the filthy lucre, it is not remiss to say the country can expect more of that hemorrhaging of its parlous resources in the name of national duty.

Someone mentioned over the weekend that they are yet to meet anyone who is ecstatic about the July 31 poll outcome. The guy was kinda pissed off that everyone he met was complaining about what they sense are the tough times that lie ahead.

He was a middle aged man headed for Gokwe and like many people I have listened to since the poll results were announced, his was a story of a litany of hardships he has lived through over the years and according to him, the rural folks where his old mother lives remain a miserable lot yet are the same folks who “voted overwhelmingly” for Zanu PF.

He told me that at one time, he told them that he was no longer going to assist them with any resources seeing the way they choose to vote! He seemed to have a point.

I am also yet to meet anyone beating their chest about Zanu PF’s victory, but still meeting someone saying that they have not met any Zanu PF supporter in a rural area where Zanu PF won celebrating was very telling.

This man is one of many who have lost faith in the whole idea of elections and so-called democratic processes whose outcomes apparently do not have to reflect popular sentiment. So why hold elections then?

Many folks are just walking like zombies and their confusion and frustration is written all over their faces. And it ain’t nothing to laugh about.

Of course the usual fools will say in any election there are winners and losers, that SADC leaders have “endorsed” the poll results, that inauguration in definitely on this week, but then the very fact that this inauguration will happen against what appears to be muted excitement from the people who allegedly voted for the continuation of bad governance could well mean there are some people who are hell bent on seeing chaotic scenes of protest.

Haven’t we already seen protests as young disgruntled urban youths rightfully feel they have been violated?

And it is the kind of stuff that makes you believe this is just what someone out there is baying for, after all, this country is ruled by people who do not bat an eyelid telling anyone they do not agree with they will punch you in the nose or they are going to shoot you the same way they shot whites back in the 1970s. Some country this is.

You do not need to be a physician to appreciate that so many people are now traumatized by the poll outcome and these unhappy family men and women could well fill any PTSD emergency room.

One only has to browse through social media sites where posts show that Zimbabweans have increasingly become very religious in the aftermath of the elections.

And indeed Zimbabweans are leaving everything to God, the same God others believe has given them the mandate to rule till eternity.

Over the weekend, an old man pointed me to large swathes of land in the Ngezi-Mhondoro area and explained how the landscape has changed over the years, how large herd of cattle disappeared, how land lies fallow, how small-holders in Gokwe have abandoned cotton farming because the state purchaser of this commodity offered these “peasants” peanuts. Recall that Gokwe was once celebrated as home to “white gold” as communities made small fortunes as cotton farmers.

You could only wonder if he was talking about the same country celebrating the success of land reform despite the same country importing maize from Zambia!

But then I only needed to recall the misery of tobacco farmers who each year complain that they bring their produce to Harare where they spend nights out in the open only to be offered ridiculous prices.

Like the other man said, he is yet to meet anyone who tells a different story about making a living out of the land, yet this is one of many things that get so many angry recalling that all hope they had for a fresh beginning was stolen along with the election.

But then, like the MDC has been advised, we should (very grudgingly) all move on…

‘Where in the world would you not want to work as a comedian?’ ‘Zimbabwe, North Korea and Pakistan, all dictator countries.’ – Ugandan comedian David Kibuka.

It is interesting, disturbing in fact, that state media is goading complaints about the number of people turned away and also assisted to vote on July 31 as insignificant that even considered in a recount, will not tip the vote in favour if Tsvangirai. Thus by implication, Tsvangirai is being told he is pissing against the wind.

But then that’s missing the whole point. Yet with state media, missing the point is big business!

That this happened in the first place points to deeper flaws of the whole election and with complicity from people vested with public trust but became no different from a school teacher who rapes students.

If people could be turned away, it certainly becomes a violation of their constitutional right to exercise their franchise, if people could be assisted to vote under dubios circumstances, it raises questions about guided voting, all of which are serious breaches of SADC’s own Principles and Guidelines Governing Democratic Elections to which Zimbabwe is expected to adhere.

Even if the numbers will never catch up with the ridiculous percentage points claimed by Zanu PF, that this happened points to Zanu PF’s misplaced sense of triumph in that you cannot claim victory and prepare a shindig when everyone is crying foul.

Yet it again points to Zanu PF’s disregard for fair play (which would be naive in politics but is certainly desired!), but then one will recall the late John Makumbe saying Zanu PF did not want this new Constitution because it was too democratic for Zanu PF’s liking!

Even as the matter is taken to court as a mere “right thing to do” despite all evidence of it being a futile exercise considering the 2002 challenge was flushed down the loo, the whole idea is to put this on record that this whole election – not just the results – was a farce.

It’s not even about overturning Mugabe’s victory, but Zimbabwe being serious in ensuring people’s vote is not tampered with. As it is, all things point to that this is what exactly happened.

What inspires your writing?
Day to day life, the ordinary and mundane, flashes of imagination in which lies the possibility to peer behind the veil. People. Cities. Other writers.

Have you always been a writer? How did it all begin?
It’s almost impossible to pinpoint the exact point at which I became a writer. Was it my apprenticeship in my high school newspaper, could it have been a proto manuscript written when I was sixteen, perhaps it was when I first read Dostoevsky in my early 20s and decided to have a go. The true answer probably lies in a constellation that joins all these dots.

Have you found it limiting living abroad but writing about Zimbabwe?
No.

Which local or international novelist do you recommend to read right now?
NoViolet Bulawayo, the author of We Need New Names.

What are you currently working on?
A new manuscript called The Maestro, The Magistrate, & The Mathematician.

Your brief thoughts on Zimbabwe’s contemporary literary scene – alive and well or “alive but dead”?
We have a few good writers I can point to, Bryony Rheam, Petina Gappah, Irene Sabatini, Brian Chikwava. You’ll notice most of the people on this list are female. If you look at Zimbabwean literature today, and thinking of other writers still in the shadows but emerging, Novuyo Tshuma, Barbara Mhangami, Melissa Tandiwe Myambo, etc, it becomes even more evident that male writers such as myself are at the periphery while the female writers occupy centre stage, and this is through pure merit alone.

When you aren’t reading or writing, what are you doing?
Dealing with real life, paying bills, stressing about one thing or the other, worrying the world is coming to an end, you know – the usual stuff.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
Being dropped by my publisher, which showed me the weaknesses in my own work, but more importantly helped me to realise that self-belief was important, and ultimately, for all the romantic myths we spin about writing, it is just business.

What is your favourite journey?
Wtf?

Would you call the Hairdresser of Harare political in any way?
It is political in the sense that everyday human life is lived within politically defined parameters. Where you may or may not go, who you may or may not marry, what you may or may not smoke, the things you can or cannot say – all these things are embedded within a political framework. The Hairdresser of Harare is political only in the sense that all literature is political.

Got any personal anecdotes from visits to your barber!
I wear dreadlocks, in case you haven’t noticed. A visit to the barber is quite out of the question! (whoops … interviewer)

What do you miss most about home?
The people.

Sadza, rice and chicken or “fast food”?
You can never go wrong with sadza.

Simba Makoni’s MKD – unsurprisingly – has joined the chorus condemning the July 31 election results, saying it’s surprising that some SADC leaders were jumping to congratulate Mugabe’s purported victory when SADC as a bloc was yet to issue any official declaration.

These “congratulations” are something that has made the whole business of challenging the election result Herculean for disgruntled parties, and as one journalist asked Makoni, if these SADC leaders are already singing Mugabe’s praises, and if the courts throw out the MDC-T challenge, what then?

Makoni is a firm believer in the human spirit to overcome evil, perhaps even on the same convictions as MLK Jr. himself.

The former FinMin believes complaining to SADC itself about the election is not a waste of time, but an issue of presenting formal protests, and it is also interesting to watch the role CSOs will play now as SADC once again is called upon to “deal” with the Zimbabwe question in summits to come.

But like Makoni said, SADC leaders have been quick to make proclamations because they want to move on. And that’s the same message Zimbabweans are being told: accept the bitter poll outcome and move on. But is it that simple?

No wonder soon after it emerged that Mugabe was taking the trophy, the police were quick to warn that they would brook no street protests.

However, the question remains, what are bitter Zimbabweans and political parties going to do about it, and that’s what some SADC leaders in their Africanist wisdom imagine are addressing.

There is now Zimbabwe-fatigue, Makoni said, yet warning that any attempts to brush aside complaints that have emerged about the July 31 election could prove to be regrettable folly for the regional leaders as they will face the same problems in their own backyards come election time.

Not only that.

There is no way the endorsement of this election by some SADC leaders can be seen as an attempt to steer Zimbabwe from further crisis because a crisis has already been created by apparently endorsing these results.

And these flawed aspirations to “stabilize” Zimbabwe could blow in their faces as Zimbabwe de-stabilises the region by the massive movement of its people across the borders spurred by disgruntlement. But then what’s new?

What’s new is that this election had been expected to stem that tide and as the law of unintended consequences would have it, the opposite could well be very true!

In that regard, Makoni believes the endorsement of the election results could in fact have worse possible outcomes for the region.

It is obvious then that Mugabe has once again been able to keep everyone in the region busy laboring on what to do next, but the truth is that considering the many summits held to deal with Zimbabwe’s political crisis over the years, some countries want to attend to other issues, domestic issues that the incumbents know have a bearing on their own political fortunes.

But then such has become the position of the regional bloc where its teeth have turned out to be nothing but dentures.

Makoni believes the SADC leaders who have sent congratulatory messages to Mugabe are taking the easy route, and like Pilate perhaps, are simply washing their hands and leaving the country to the wolves.