I am sorry if you will think that is vulgar, but I believe it has to be said, especially for all those young women falling prey to the idea that ‘turning a man on’ means that they love them.

Recently, a young lady, just about 19 years of age, approached me to talk about a messy situation that had befallen her. As she sobbed through the story, she told me about a man, 12 years older than her, who had wooed her for a few months and told her that he was desperately in love with her.

When she finally gave in to his sexual requests (because apparently, the guy kept telling her that his spontaneous erections meant that he was seriously in love with her), the relationship suddenly came to an abrupt end.

She says this man just stopped calling her and told her he had lost interest.

Sadly enough, this girl claims that this was the first man she had ever slept with.

Now, I can’t be 100% sure that her side of the story is the whole truth as other factors may have led to the ending of the relationship, but I must say that it is not the first time I have heard of women who confuse male sexual arousal and responses with love.

Those in the know say that an erection occurs when the nervous system activates a rapid increase in blood flow to the penis, thereby making it hard and ready for penetrative sex.

But almost any stimulus can cause these, whether a man is in love with a woman, just physically attracted to.

And that’s not to say that all men fall into this general category. Some genuinely combine physical attraction and emotional affection to their responses to their partners. And that would be the best kind of combination in a healthy relationship.

I am no expert but the best advice I gave to the young lady was to be sure next time that the man she was with was with her for genuine love.

If he won’t wait for you to be ready, or respect your decision to abstain, then he is not worth your time, or the tears you will cry in retrospect.

In this world where physical attributes – such as money, good looks, status and yes, erections – are equated to love, it is important to dig deeper beyond those to see what lies within the heart of the one who claims to love you.

Every morning, I dread getting to the Newlands shopping centre area where – it would seem – vendors of all nature are waiting for me to make my way past them so that they can sell me whatever they have on offer for the day.

Don’t misunderstand me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a bunch of guys trying to make a decent living out of selling their wares. In fact, that is a noble gesture.

But sometimes, it’s all about how a person tries to persuade you to buy into their business that is all wrong.

These guys obviously have zero appreciation of the fine art of selling. As they crowd around me with their pockets of strawberries, or sunglasses or whatever else, I develop a deep sense of dread at the conversation to ensue.

“Sisi, buy these strawberries/ sunglasses/ sweets, please,” one will say.

“I don’t have money today,” I will respond.

“But sisi, just one dollar,” he will continue. “I promise you won’t regret it.”

“Sorry, not today,” I will respond, hoping that this will conclude the conversation.

Far from it.

Rather, these responses seem to provide them with the fuel to carry on and on until I have to completely shut myself off from responding to them and disappear into the nearby office complex.

I know these are desperate times and everyone is looking for a means to survive, but these guys actually put me off buying from them.

Why?

Because their techniques are more about harassment than selling.

Because they do not appreciate the fact that I perhaps do not need to buy strawberries or sweets or air time daily!

Take the one who sells tennis rackets.

Each day, he lurks around the corner waiting for me to pass by so that he can spring his rackets on me and try to convince me that I need to buy one.

“But I don’t play tennis,” I once told him.

“So get it for your child,” he responded.

The cheek and nerve for him to even insinuate that I had a child old enough to be able to hold a tennis racket!

A good salesperson knows to not make assumptions about their customers, especially ones that can backfire in their face!

As a result of his statement, he has served himself a life ban from my service – even if I one day decide to emulate Serena Williams’ ferocious forehand.

But most importantly, a good salesman knows that hounding his potential customers like prey won’t encourage them to buy anything. It will only make them more resolute to never buy anything from him, thereby shutting out all possibility of him ever attempting to make a follow-up sale.

I positively detest snakes. To me, they are slithery, slimy and plain creepy creatures.

But right now, as I write, they are the only things that I can think of.

No, I do not want to dwell on their flashing forked tongues or hissing venom – that could give me nightmares for the rest of this week! Instead, I would like you to consider one of their most interesting attributes:

The fact that they periodically shed their skin.

According to the experts, this activity takes place due to hormonal responses and is associated with growth. And usually, snakes shed their skin 4-8 times per year.

In case you didn’t know, we humans also shed a load of skin. But unlike our reptilian friends, ours doesn’t come off in the perfectly intact shape and form of our old selves.

Maybe if it did, we would look with more awe and amazement at our ability to grow out of what we once were, and into the new beings that we continually change into.

This explains my current fascination with snakes – the fact that they leave their old confinements to grow into something bigger and better (and of course, scarier!).

And also, the fact they can keep a reminder of that activity, which is the cocoon shape that trails them as they undergo the process of renewal.

I am in that same process of renewal, shedding away who I once was to become bigger and better. And when I look back in my mind at who I once was, at what that cocoon shape I am leaving behind looks like, I see all the errors, trials, tribulations and sorrows that I do not want to experience as I grow into a new wiser version of myself.

As I shed the old and grow into the new, I am excited and scared alike.

Will I fit into my new skin? Will it wear and tear and cause me to bleed? Will I want to run back and fit snuggly into what I once was?

I do not know the answers, but I know that growth into self-awareness and enlightenment is well worth the effort.

Instead of growing a thick callous uncaring layer, why not shed that and open yourself to growth and revival?

Another intake of National University of Science and Technology (NUST) media students has just finished their four-year degree programme this month. As a recent graduate of the same school, I know the feelings of sheer relief and satisfaction that completing such a grueling course prompts.

But, I also know the fears that this new dispensation brings with it.

With a national unemployment rate soaring at over 90%, the prospects for many Zimbabwean graduates are bleak and demoralising. Inevitably, inactivity awaits many of these promising minds.

A case in point would be my class of 24 students which completed studies in May 2008. In my humble estimation, we were all keen and bright learners – and yet, 15 months later, less than half of us are employed.

And bear in mind too that the NUST media department is just one of a few journalism schools in Zimbabwe. Each year, Midlands State University, the Harare Polytechnic and other institutions churn out enthusiastic media scholars who can’t find gainful means of making use of their professional qualifications.

In most cases, it is not through a lack of effort, or even a lack of requisite skills for a job or training opportunity.

It is simply because so few of them exist.

Reading the Global Political Agreement, I have noted the great potential that Article 19, on freedom of expression and communication, has to begin to redress this unfortunate situation.

In the document, Zimbabwe’s main political parties agree that the government should ensure the immediate processing of all applications for media registration in terms of both the Broadcasting Services Act and the Access to Information and Protection of Privacy Act (AIPPA).

Since its inception in 2001, the Broadcasting Authority of Zimbabwe (BAZ) has failed to license a single private or community-based broadcast station, while the now defunct Media and Information Commission only served to close up space for alternative print media voices.

I hope that this will change with the reforms currently being implemented, particularly with the introduction of the Zimbabwe Media Commission (ZMC) and the re-constitution of BAZ. Yes, the process already has its own controversies, but I sincerely hope that the two bodies will function to register more entities into our starved media environment soon, thereby creating employment opportunities for many.

At the public hearing with the Parliamentary Portfolio Committee on Media, Information and Communication Technology a few weeks ago, I raised the issue with the chairman and Member of Parliament, Mr. Gift Chimanikire. As he himself had mentioned in his introduction, the reason for opening up parliamentary bodies to dialogue with the public is to ensure that ordinary Zimbabweans are able to exercise an oversight role in monitoring government’s implementation of various policies.

Indeed, current media policy has been argued to be un-democratic and non-representative. But more so, it is depriving many young people the opportunity to become a part of the process of change in Zimbabwe. As the generation with the greatest potential to rebuild and re-harmonise this nation, we deserve outlets to exhibit our creativity, innovativeness and professionalism.

In response to my concern, Mr Chaminikire noted the importance of promoting media pluralism in Zimbabwe stating, “We should be able to deliver on this because not only does it create employment, but diversity in terms of reporting. Pluralism means the people will be more informed and I can assure you the committee is committed to that.”

For the sake of the many currently unemployed media professionals, and those who are still involved in their studies, I sincerely hope that this committee, as well as the various organs created to facilitate Zimbabwe’s media reform, will deliver on their promises in a timely and unbiased manner.

I have just read that South Africa could be facing a deficit in providing hotel accommodation for visitors during the 2010 World Cup. According to South Africa’s Mail And Guardian, Fifa’s accommodation agency is believed to be facing a deficit of 9 000 hotel rooms for the 500 000 international visitors expected. They have even resorted to booking rooms in “neighbouring countries” including Mauritius.

And yes, the article does cite Mauritius as a near neighbour.

If we were talking in terms of family relationships here, I would say that South Africa and Mauritius are nothing more than distant cousins. Zimbabwe, on the other hand is South Africa’s own sister!

We also have the Victoria Falls, the Great Zimbabwe and all World Cup tourists would need to do is board a one-and-a-half-hour flight to South Africa after all their sight-seeing, as opposed to a gruelling 17 hour trip from distant places like Mauritus.

But I suppose that goes to show how little noise we are making about tourism in Zim. Last week, while in Victoria Falls, I was really disappointed to see how few tourists there were in that beautiful resort town. What was once a beautiful place seems to be suffering from the same infrastructural decay that is ubiquitous throughout this country.

And when I finally met a bunch of tourists, it was not even in the Zimbabwe side of the Falls, but rather in ‘No Man’s Land’ at the Victoria Falls bridge.

They explained that it was just too expensive for then to be tourists in Zimbabwe, much as they would have loved to see the Falls from the vantage point of the Zim side.

It was sad for me to hear. And even sadder for me to realise that we are doing little, if anything to encourage tourism in our nation in the build up to 2010.

And thus we have been overlooked by Fifa as a “near neighbour” and sister, instead fading somewhere into the distantness of a lost relative.

“Dollar for two” has taken on a whole new dimension in Harare.

At first, the phrase – which has recently become popular since Zimbabwe’s conversion to using US dollars – only applied to buying foodstuffs like packets of crisps and biscuits which were priced at 50 US cents (which hardly anyone in Zimbabwe has).

But now, even the kombi drivers are using it. Yes, if you want to get on a kombi around Harare these days, you must either have a companion travelling with you (so that you pay the round figure of one dollar) or have 50 cents, or 5 rands on you.

It seems that the kombi drivers who had been tolerating passengers making use of the Zim dollar equivalent of 50 cents – which is 3 trillion dollars – have since tired of the worthless currency.

And so if you happen to be travelling alone these days and only have US dollar notes on you, you have to be sure to latch yourself onto a fellow passenger who has a coin on them – or else find some other way to travel.

A friend of mine recently had to walk all the way from Avondale to Hatfield after he failed to produce changed money in order to get on a kombi.

“I had two options,” he said. “Either I was going to get on the kombi and pay my dollar note and leave my change with the driver, or I was going to walk.”

The second option – although gruelling – was more appealing to him. Some kombi drivers say that if you don’t have change, they can write you a receipt so that you can travel on that the next time. But many passengers aren’t buying that.

Where exactly are passengers meant to get 5 rands for travel in a coinless economy? And why won’t kombi drivers accept those trillions anymore? After all, all they do is continue to circulate among passengers as change. I wouldn’t be surprised if very soon, kombi fares are pegged at one dollar – just another headache for so many Zimbabweans who are fighting just to get by.