What’s your favourite position?
An assessment of the range of political parties we have to choose from shows that whichever way one looks at it, Zimbabweans are screwed! It’s mediocre politicians all around, positing ludicrous policies whilst they happily take part in scandalous shenanigans. So come next trip to the ballot box, we’ll just have to elect the lesser devil into power. Question is, whose political thrust will be easiest to endure?
Missionaries
They’ve courted our vote for years, promising new and exciting things if we give them a chance. They’ve positioned themselves as the party for the ordinary Joe, preaching right, opposing wrong and taking up the people’s cause. To their credit, they’ve managed to gather a large following, many of them eager youths. Unfortunately, they have also shown signs that they will give us more of the same. We have seen them in government and they haven’t proved themselves very different. In fact, it’s quite predictable how things will turn out should they have complete rule. I foresee that after they have been in office for a few years, they’ll have us lying on our backs once more, as we go through the motions of the same old same old.
Who’s On Top?
This party is small but feisty and able to play ball with the big boys. Despite their size, they have many tricks up their sleeve and the ability to turn the heat up on events. They are well known for rousing the political scene. The downside is that leadership issues remain unresolved. As things stand, it appears to be a party of wrangling cowboys. So one wonders, at election time, will we be voting for a party with a guy on top or maybe a reverse cowgirl?
Standing Up and Shaking
The little parties of Zimbabwe politics are unstable. However, they make sure that everybody gets some and this keeps things entertaining. Usually, as elections are coming, these groups remind us of their existence by becoming rather vocal. Occasionally, they will make the news, either for infighting or swinging, that is exchanging (political) partners they get into bed with. For this reason, nobody truly knows what (and whom) they actually stand for. Most people are therefore, uncomfortable about engaging with this bunch. After all, can you really vote easy when there isn’t something solid to lean against, and you’re balancing on one leg with the other leg dangling precariously somewhere else?
Violated in Every Way
The lover who turns on you is the best way to describe this party. Things began beautifully and we were happy bedfellows. Today it is dramatically different and the good times are but a distant memory. It’s a case of no matter what position you choose for yourself, you will never be satisfied. In fact, you will suffer abuse. The party of selfish lovers have years of experience in bondage and sadomasochism. They’ve made us perform demeaning acts, brainwashed and drugged us senseless, used and used us some more. Still, in spite of this, the results of the vote will have them firmly back in power, and power is what rape is all about.
With such a political landscape, it is understandable that Zimbabweans feel disillusionment, indifference and fatigue when it comes to voting. Thus, when the outcome of the elections are known, by far the largest population of voters, as always, will be those who have opted not to pick a favourite position for being screwed over.