You have to marvel at the picturesque language and the quips that have found their way into our ears as political parties hit the campaign trail.

Bloomberg wrote “Tsvangirai’s Bid to End Mugabe’s Zimbabwe Rule Fades” without showing how that bid was fading. The MDC is ‘doomed by its failure to end police support for Zanu-PF,’ said Valentia Kaseke, a security guard in Harare’s northern Emerald Hill suburb. “All they can do is wait for Mugabe to die and then Zanu-PF will be in disarray.” Turns out Tsvangirai’s bid for power is fading not because of being unpopular but because Mugabe is showing no signs of expiring any time soon!

The Daily Maverick called “Mugabe, the hot favourite” and a wise crack appeared on Twitter “literally or figuratively.”

The Herald not to be outdone by the incendiary headlining wrote: “Revolutionary party ignites star rallies” a headline that came a day after a Harare garage went up in flames with the Harare fire brigade reportedly failing to put out the fire. Next time the fire brigade must be on stand-by with plenty of water outside a Zanu PF rally in case it ignites!

Another Herald headline announced rather confidently “Zanu-PF stretches election lead.” Indeed, talk about stretching it!

Then another wise crack on Twitter: When is Mugabe hitting the campaign trail? He could always use a wheelchair to go around the country kana zvaka-presser.

Another added, “Even the Zanu PF manifesto launch was not free and fair. Once inside the venue, there was no exit until Mugabe’s speech ended.”

It’s going to be a beautiful few short weeks to 31 July.

In the past five years these two parties have worked together in an inclusive government. More plundering than job creation happened. Now that 31st of July is just three weeks away we are being promised over a million jobs and a growing economy. Going for this election both parties know that youths want jobs so its no wonder there are promises of jobs but some figures are just too good to be true. I had some time today comparing the two parties’ manifestos and here I quote some interesting hopes and dreams.

The 2013 field is set and this year it seems it’s all about JUICE for the players if they are going to score “Bhora Mugedhi”.

MDC-T highlights that,

“The MDC plan is aimed at uplifting all citizens in all corners of the country and will create 1 million jobs by 2018 and a $100 billion economy by 2040.”

27 years of one party rule so that the economy dream is fulfilled? I don’t think so.

In every match coaches battle to come up with strategies to counter opponents and since MDC-T is already attacking, not be outdone ZANU-PF is also on the offensive hoping to score  “Bhora Mugedhi” with 2,265 million jobs in the next five years.

“Creating value of US$7,3 billion from the indigenisation of 1,138 companies across 14 key sectors of the economy and over US$1,844,223,157,000 created from the idle value of empowerment assets unlocked from parastatals, local authorities, mineral rights and claims and from the State.”

There are also promises from Zanu PF for more flea and vendor market stands to be created and houses for low-income earners. And this comes along with revolutionary commitment to address and meet the goals of all Zimbabweans regardless of their social, economic, cultural or ethnic affinity, background or affiliation.

With all this on the table I wonder what strategy the merged team of MDC-N and ZAPU will have to come up with to defeat this leading pack?

The frenzy for presence on social media platforms by politicians as we approach the poll is fascinating as these folks apparently seek to ride on the back of Baba Jukwa’s popularity.

Yet the “short bursts” of information limited by a platform such as Twitter for some still cloaks ambitions to use social media space to replicate how it’s been harnessed in other countries, recalling of course that Obama’s first election into the White House is widely celebrated as being thanks to his campaign team’s use of social media platforms to reach out to younger voters.

For us here, only a while ago, Zanu PF’s Rugare Gumbo was bamboozled when asked about Baba Jukwa, responding that Zanu PF had no business being on Facebook!

Now Gumbo has changed his mind.

He says his party will use all platforms available, “everything that is there, we’re going to use,” Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, and this is obviously informed by one of many recent reports.

Gumbo is no doubt a late convert, and this could indeed play against him as chief spokesperson, and also Zanu PF’s attempts to win over the youth vote, youths of course being purportedd to have a large social media presence in Zimbabwe.

But it is still curious that Zanu PF would require a World Wide Web-based campaign that targets that demographic considering the revolutionary party has long claimed disgruntled young unemployed urban youths – the born-frees the party calls them – have seen the light of British machinations as the cause of their suffering!

So why stalk them online, hmm? Or Zanu PF seeks new converts?

This youth vote has certainly been bagged going by the conflation of “urban grooves” and the Third Revolution where desperate youngsters took to the microphone to eulogise an aging politician as the source of their inspiration. Why hell, the youngsters even performed duets with the party’s political commissar slash Minister of Information! It doesn’t get any better than that surely.

Never mind that thousands of their colleagues have over the years been unable to graduate from university and polytechnics after failing to raise tuition fees and know pretty well the author of their misery.

And you should see some of the youths’ sentiments on these social media platforms Zanu PF is only embracing now.

I looked up some of the Zanu PF senior officials who are on Twitter for example and was tickled by the frugality of their “tweets.”

Years after the “invention of Twitter” a chap who fancies himself the epitome of propaganda only posted a couple of Tweets and went to sleep, surely now that a campaign for political survival is here, will these men and women be equal to the task? Or like everything else the power of social media will turn out to be nothing but misplaced hype as Zanu PF knows a better manual of “how to win an election”?

Would love to read one day that Zanu PF’s imminent loss of the 2013 election was saved by its use social media!

I am laughing already.

One of my favorite Zimbabwean bloggers, Takura Zhangazha, gives us a ten point guide to reading Zimbabwean Political Party Manifestos in 2013. Similar to the constitution, if you don’t read it, discuss it and question it, you’ll be a Rubber Stamper – yes, and who wants to be an RS? So uncool. Read Takura here, and download the manifestos from the Kubatana web site.

It’s shocking the number of people who say they have voted in all elections since 1980 but somehow find their names absent from the voter’s roll, and now these same people are faced with the prospect of not voting at all.

If ghosts can be found in the voters roll, it seems logical that the living can also be exorcised from the roll! And these stories are many.

Some are stories about people who want to vote but have no IDs, and efforts to get these important documents are being frustrated by all sorts of ridiculous red tape such as the person being told to bring parents, if parents are deceased, relatives with affidavits, if these relatives are buried deep in the rural areas, then that’s the end of it!

I watched a video of men and women yelling “they must tell us if they don’t want us to vote,” after trying for days to check their names and also register and couldn’t help must imagine that this is the kind of anger that is already known to exist by the people rushing the poll and their vote is as commonsense will have it, also already known how it will go!

It is thus increasingly becoming clear that many Zimbabweans will merely watch others exercise their franchise, and then we say bad governments are elected by people who don’t vote.

Now we know better: bad governments will make sure you don’t vote!

Sunday, 7 July
Midday, in Borrowdale village, a kombi pasted with election posters and filled with Zanu PF supporters did a drive around. A reminder to the elites that July might not be the month for sleeping easy.

Sunday, 7 July
In the afternoon on Enterprise Road a knot of Zanu PF supporters, one very visibly drunk, vociferous and pumped up in their new election regalia. Tshirts with slogans fade as do any election promises. Don’t they know that?

Wednesday, 10 July
Afternoon at the traffic circle in Newlands; a gathering of people, mostly women, with proceedings being officiated by some green caps with clipboards. Streams of people coming out of the police camp on their way to the gathering. New accommodation is being built for police staff and their families who live at the camp. Curious timing. Just enough built to give people hope that they’ll have some dignified living space but how long until the accommodation is completed?