For years, Zimbabweans have been subjected to a TV monopoly by the state. Mention ZTV, the Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation’s television station, and you’re likely to be met with eye rolling, comments like “DeadBC” and even a spoof Twitter account.

Ever since the signal blackout from SABC, things have gotten even worse for Zimbabweans who used to rely on free-to-air decoders to get South African public television.

Lenard Kamwendo was just complaining about the lack of alternative television in Zimbabwe yesterday. And last week, a number of our SMS subscribers were sharing their frustrations with ZBC and wishing there were independent television stations in Zimbabwe.

Enter 1st TV, “Zimbabwe’s first independent television station.” Set to launch at 6pm on Friday 19 July, and available via the Wiztech Free to Air satellite platform, 1st TV will “provide impartial, factual news to the people of Zimbabwe as well as broadcasting popular films, soap operas and comedies.”

According to a press statement issued today, 1st TV “means that Zimbabweans will now have a station that not only broadcasts to them but also will serve as a platform for all people to express their views and to share information about what is happening in their areas and in their lives.”

In addition to being available via satellite, 1st TV says that it will also “have a strong presence on social media which will allow Zimbabweans themselves to influence and guide the growth and direction of the channel in terms of both news and entertainment.”

To find out more, read their full press statement, and follow them on Twitter.

Look familiar?

Zanu PF Election posters – 2013

Election posters 2008

When I first saw the Zanu PF presidential election posters going up, I did a double take. They looked so familiar . . . I was sure I’d seen them before – in Zimbabwe’s June 2008 Presidential Run Off Election.

I looked closer at the poster, and saw the slogan: “This is the final battle for total control of Zimbabwe by Zimbabweans.” Yes, I thought, I’m sure I’ve heard that before.

So I went digging around at some old news coverage, and sure enough, the posters I’ve seen going up around Harare are Exactly The Same Ones as those used by Mugabe in June 2008. Don’t believe me? Check out these stories from Reuters, The Guardian and Getty Images.

Which leaves me wondering:

a)    Did  Zanu PF really have hundreds of election posters left over from June 2008 that they conveniently were able to dust off and put up again in July 2013?

b)    This final battle business. Does this mean the 2013 Harmonised Election is the second final battle? Has the final battle been raging on from 2008-2013, all during the inclusive government? Is 2013 the really final battle? What if there is another presidential run-off? Will that be the really truly final battle, no this time I’m not joking?

The MDC got a lot of flack for the 2005 “Final Push.” To me, Zanu PF’s election poster “Final Battle” redux is just as ridiculous.  But at least it’s given me one of the first good laughs of this election farce.

(Aside: The picture of the 2013 posters was taken in Newlands. The public toilet block at Newlands Shopping Centre was recently painted.  In an effort to keep the walls looking clean and sharp, a notice was put up on all the walls: No Posters – Offenders will be prosecuted. But do you think the City of Harare is going to be prosecuting Zanu PF for disregarding this notice and papering the toilet block with its posters for the 2013 Harmonised Elections? Somehow I doubt it.)

SNV Junior Professionals Programme
Deadline: 22 July 2013

SNV is now looking for high potential and motivated candidates who are ready for a professional career as a development practitioner. The SNV Junior Professionals Programme (JPP) provides the right foundation for a challenging and rewarding career in an international development environment.

What is a Junior Professional?
The programme aims to grow a Junior Professional into a future senior practitioner with a solid grounding in the technical foundation of one of SNV’s sectors: Agriculture, Water, Sanitation and Hygiene (WASH) or Renewable Energy. You are offered a 2-year fixed-term appointment in one of the countries where SNV works. During this period, you will gain practical ‘feet-in-the-mud’ experience while you work and learn alongside a well-qualified SNV senior advisor in one of our sector programmes. You will be exposed to SNV’s approaches and encouraged to engage with the latest developments in the sectors.

Am I eligible for the Junior Professionals Programme?
-Do you have an advanced degree in Agriculture, WASH or Renewable Energy?
-Do you have less than 3 years of relevant work experience?
-Do you possess excellent interpersonal and communication skills?
-Are you self-driven and hard working?
-Are you committed and passionate about the international development sector?
-Are you culturally sensitive?
-Do you have an excellent command of English and preferably French?

What are the salary and benefits?
SNV offers a compensation and benefits package that is internationally competitive and comparable with other non-profit organisations. You will be recruited by SNV Head Office for a fixed term appointment for two years, following which, based on performance and organisational needs, you may wish to pursue your career at SNV or another international development organisation.

How to apply?
SNV is now accepting applications for 2013 until 22 July 2013. Candidates who are interested in the JPP can apply here

What is the selection procedure?
The JP Programme will select a limited number of international, highly qualified and motivated juniors from both the Netherlands and the countries where SNV works. Shortlisted applicants will go through a thorough selection procedure in which we will seek to establish learning and growth potential to become a high performing development practitioner. Newly appointed Junior Professionals will be expected to be on board by latest October 2013.

Contact
For further information, please don’t hesitate to email us at SNVJPP [at] snvworld [dot] org

Live the full life of the mind, exhilarated by new ideas, intoxicated by the Romance of the unusual.
- Ernest Hemingway

I am asked all the time (but I probably ask it just as often), “What is going to happen with the elections?” Short answer, “I don’t know, I don’t have a crystal ball, if I did, I would have more money than I do now!”

It is an interesting question, even though the result will be the same as it was last elections. Zanu PF will lose the elections, but will not lose power. MDC will win the elections, but will not take power.

Consider, 2008. End result, MDC is the largest group in parliament. Most MPs. Most seats. Most constituencies. But do they start calling themselves the “ruling party”? Do they repeal POSA in their five years as the ruling party (or repeal any laws)? Do they rule? We are a parliamentary democracy, Zimbabwe is legally ruled by parliament.

Presidential election – disputed. But the MDC’s candidate wins that, not by, but they still won. Why do they allow the losing party’ s candidate to remain at his former post? But either way, why is the former ruling party, and it’s Presidential candidate still regarded as the “ruling party”? Why does the real “ruling party” not rule?

So my prediction for 1 August 2013: Zanu PF will lose the elections, but will not lose power.

What would be really interesting – if the MDC (or anyone but the former ruling party) took a massive election victory. How would the current regime hold on to power? We know they will, but how?

In addition to our dear spouses
and our allocation of small houses,
we will have an escort in every town,
growth-point and village: novice, hand-me-down,
school girl, slut… whatever takes our fancy.
We will relegate to sties all nancy
boys, to kennels all dykes, who will be cured,
in God’s good time, well and truly skewered,
by patriotic soldiers with long poles.
Sell-outs will be buried in ant bear holes
after overturning, or hitting trees.
All judges will be given factories
to asset-strip; and Generals will get mines,
with free access to anything that shines.
All policemen loyal to the Party
will be allowed to keep their bribes.  Hearty
support will be given to servile priests,
and Russians will be entertained with feasts
using cattle from sycophantic whites:
Rhodies with insatiable appetites
for Four-by-fours, biltong, safari camps,
the nostalgic smell of paraffin lamps.
Aliens will be cast into outer
darkness.  The First Lady will obtain her
beauty products from Harrods and Dubai.
We will encourage white people to die
because it’s only then that we can trust
Blair’s kith and kin. “Eternity or Bust”
Is our slogan.  We affirm that bullets
are mightier than ballots, and true lies
make a nation healthy, wealthy, and wise.
We will double the strength of the forces,
give them live ammunition and horses
to crush traitors who disturb our cities
(especially girls who bare their titties.)
We will not tolerate freedom of speech,
freedom of assembly, freedom of each
and every citizen to criticize
our Excellency: all knowing; strong ties
with North Korea; Africa’s Jesus!
Nations prostrate themselves when he sneezes,
and the world entire is shaken to bits
when Big Boy squats on his people – and shits.