Whenever the Prof Arthur Mutambara opens his mouth, all his guts fall out.

Of late, each time he has conducted an interview or written an article, it’s full of insults, sprinkled with unimaginably contemptuous and uncivil epithets or simply void of clear perspective. I’m reminded the last time he lost his cool in an interview with SW Radio Africa and needlessly ended up insulting the innocent interviewer. He said she was too slow, poor Violet. He is one of those whom after listening to what they say; you are left unsure of what exactly they stand for politically or whether something close to a fart has just been flung in your face. You just can’t fathom whose interests they represent because personally, they seem to possess none rational.

The good Prof has just unleashed another masterful fusillade to usher us into the New Year and it is aptly titled as Laying the Foundation for 2009: The inconvenient truths about the West. An excellent read – that falls in the same category as RBZ guv’nor’s latest book, Zimbabwe’s Casino Economy – for those with a fetish to bore themselves. Like everybody else, the Prof has the right to freedom of expression and accordingly I will not grudge him that right; he is entitled to his opinion. However, when that opinion is sickeningly and insultingly unenlightened as well as forced down the throats of the very people he invariably calls names, it also becomes a right to demand a certain level of respect from the good Professor.

Here is one guy who is convinced he is surrounded by idiots. In his latest article, the text is littered with words like unstrategic, ignorant, ineffective, uninformed and reckless, pathetic and foolish. All epithets used to describe the actions or the very beings of certain individuals among whom are Botswana President Ian Khama, Kenyan Prime Minister Raila Odinga as well as the Archbishops Desmond Tutu and John Sentamu. Now which 84 year-old does this kind of talk remind you of, anyone?

Clearly, the guy is pissed off with ATANAs (All Talk and No Action) but aren’t we all? Indeed, it has been exhaustingly annoying that all that politicians the world over have been good at doing was to issue endless statements and careless talk that does not articulate solutions while life in Zimbabwe becomes a more classic Hobbesian ‘short, nasty and brutish’ by the day. But to be so disrespectful, while at the same time one is also an ATANA, is the highest level of hypocrisy that demands an outrage. He vaingloriously berates the men and women calling for military intervention to shut up if they are not prepared to shed blood on Zimbabwean soil, because aside from this, that option is to be dismissed based on the repugnancy of the Iraq/ Afghanistan precedent. He is convinced the concerns of ‘Western’ governments are nothing short of being driven by racism and disrespect for African lives. Clearly the Prof does not believe in the existence of goodwill. Neither does he discern the preposterousness of any don’t-give-a-toss-about-Africans racist going out of their way to assist and clamor for the release of the same from the clutches of an Abhurian leader. A leader who is conducting a slow genocide through illegal abductions, denial of food relief to starving citizens as well as the refusal to acknowledge the existence of a deadly water-borne epidemic that is wiping out whole communities.

That sections of the international community have begun to clamor for the unexplored option of military intervention indicates that any plausible diplomatic options, including talks, have simply failed. People are perfectly aware of the risks and possible repercussions Zimbabweans face, you are not surrounded by idiots Prof. However, you will be surprised to find that the dominant sentiment among many a despairing, starving Zimbabwean is kusiri kufa ndekupi? (Which option is not death?).

The professor discusses two other possible options of ousting the incumbent: peaceful mass uprisings/demonstrations and free and fair elections. The former he immediately displays a lack of faith in and dismisses after highlighting the sadly gallant but true ineffectiveness of Zimbabwe civil society strategies that have time and time again failed to command people into joining marches and demonstrations. He describes Zimbabweans as lacking an appetite for an orange revolution. Ouch.

Sadly, I disagree with the Prof on what he deems to be the only way forward for Zimbabwe: free and fair elections. What cave has this man been hiding in? The March 08 election clearly articulated the people’s opinion, despite that certain logistics to do with percentages could not name the people’s choice a clear winner. But despite the fact that even after a rigged election Tsvangirai won, somebody refused to let go of the royal seat, and actually proceeded to unilaterally and unashamedly re-elect himself in a one-man race. Does the Prof sincerely believe such a somebody will one day be capable of partaking a democratic election and humbly exit if he loses; a thing he failed to do earlier when both the people’s open scorn and age beckoned? With or without going through a transitional period of national healing, does he think right thinking citizens are prepared for another brutal election when the trauma that accompanied the last will never be completely erased from their minds? What will make a leopard suddenly change its spots? I thought this does not take Rocket Scientist to figure out; clearly it takes more than that.

In the regard of fresh free and fair elections, Mutambara speaks in normatives that for this option; Mugabe “will have to be part of the transition.” Well how do you make him, Professor, because already, the man has demonstrated an inability to comply with the simple principles of both Universal Suffrage and honor among diplomats?

On negotiations, Mutambara says that because we all (predictably owing to our lack of strategic thinking) sanitized the March 08 farce as a legitimate outcome; it would be foolish to think Mugabe can be negotiated out of power. Well, if the Prof sincerely believes this and lacks faith in the talks, what the hell is he doing tugging along with the white-headed boys in the posh hotels? Nevertheless, it is purely understandable if it is the good food that beckons.

Those who think they are smarter than everyone must map out a good way forward for us seeing they are well placed to do so at the talks. They should desist from engaging unnecessarily in the business of disparaging those of their own caliber and stop insulting us further with the usual platitudes.

Crap, I say.

Sharing some comments recently received from Kubatana subscribers . . .

It’s strange how somebody talks with confidence, on a public media, about everything being ok in the country, needless to mention the educational sector. Believe it or not, students at some tertiary institutions are being called for to pay as much as US$450! But guess what the ‘government’ is offering our belearned lecturers; a whopping US$50. I need not explain the catastrophic repercussions of such a mean, ridiculous and ill brooded move on us, the students, and the future leaders of Zimbabwe.

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I am currently visiting South Africa and how the country has become a haven for Zimbabweans is rather depressing to say the least. There are criminal elements, vendors, entrepreneurs and so on. This other day I met a Zimbabwean prison warden, a very senior one for that matter, washing cars. He said he manages to feed his family that way; so why not.  Almost all backyard shacks are occupied by foreigners and these are mostly Zimbabweans. Everywhere I go, I meet people using the Shona language. With the Zimbabweans of Ndebele origin, it is a different matter, because they quickly integrate into the South African society because Ndebele and Isizulu are almost similar. South Africans have been accused of being lazy, but I do not think that is true. We have taken over their country and all thanks to Mugabe. We can not expect the South Africans to smile when Zimbabweans own houses, businesses etc using illegally acquired Identification documents.

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Zanu PF if you don’t inspire then expire! For how long have you talked about sovereignty and forming a government of national unity without the MDC-T? A one legged government under the existing chemistry of problems will not address the challenges the country is facing. It’s not only a matter of forming a government but of paramount importance will be the viability and productiveness of that government. Zanu PF has proved to be a failure for past years hence nothing much if any will come out from these greedy men.

A colleague phoned yesterday freaked out because there is a dead body of a vagabond lying a short distance from their offices somewhere close to the Grain Marketing Board in Eastlea. Today the body is still there and has apparently started to stink and bloat. The police have for some reason been stalling on collecting it. My friend thinks it’s a bad sign for starting the year.

Another phoned to complain that after struggling all of last year to raise enough money to go and pay lobola for his girl, she has suddenly decided she wants a little more time to achieve a few goals before she can commit herself. Another bad sign perhaps?

Having a positive mindset seems to be a crucial ingredient for survival this year. As long as some things remain unchanged, situations promise to get worse. I find that appreciating the little things in life is good place to start, speaking of which, one kind hearted lady, a work colleague’s mum – sent me a bottle of scented anti-bacterial hand cleanser all the way from DC. That little bottle has become one of the most treasured contents in my sports bag in these times of cholera.

This year I don’t know how others are doing it but I just can’t seem to get enough bus fare to take me to and from work by public transport. Everything simply doesn’t make sense and Zim dollar cash is getting more and more slippery. Frustrated, I’ve just taken to walking whichever routes I can and thankfully, my 5km work route is one of them. The walk is not all that pleasant but is made bearable and less lonely by my trusty Ipod mini coupled with the ability to tell myself this is critical exercise. My butt already feels a tad firmer. The only downside so far is that in unfriendly weather, your water-resistant watch succumbs to the rain.

However, listening to music while I walk is like having a conversation with the artists. Some I disagree with while others I believe should stick to the subject of love because they just don’t know what the hell they are talking about. Among some interesting conversations, Bob Marley talks about the ‘Guiltiness’ that characterizes the lives of politicians whom he refers to as the ‘big fish who always try to eat down the small fish.’ He says, ‘Guiltiness rests on their conscience. They live a life of false pretence everyday. Each and everyday. They would do anything to materialize their every wish.’

Almost suddenly, Celine Dion jumps in and screams ‘I’m alive!’ Which I think is the important thing left when there is nothing else much you can do about the situation around you. That is why I’m going to thank God each day I’m alive this year because it’s nothing short of a miracle under the circumstances. In Zimbabwe if you can still enjoy a few pleasures of life, it’s only decent to be thankful and enjoy them to the fullest.

Have you made any new year’s resolutions was one of the first things a colleague asked me when we officially opened for the year?

I told her I was still thinking about it as I do not want to commit myself to things I will never get around to doing. This is true so far as ‘serious’ or ‘real’ resolutions are concerned. I mean, I have made a couple of ‘silly’ resolutions that don’t necessarily make you feel bad if by the end of the year you don’t achieve them, like learn to bake for instance. I’ve already made my first tray of muffins (or were they scones?). Soft inside but hardish outside; couldn’t figure what they lacked and where the hell do you get cinnamon? My other resolution is to factor in more board games. I’ve already purchased a game of Monopoly and boy am I enjoying it! I happen to have a couple of ‘serious’ resolutions lingering in the back of my mind, like vigorously pursuing an Mphil and getting myself more organized in my work or improving my technical skills. But achieving the simplest things in Zimbabwe can be a Herculean task. Nothing is simple anymore.

From these little resolutions, it looks like 09 for me is about confronting and overcoming challenges. Put mildly, it’s about doing things I have never done. If only embracing bigger challenges at a national level was as simple.

I have several other ‘silly’ and much easier to achieve resolutions like buy and actually wear a dress at least once this year. Cut down on (cough) chocolate. I will also try not to yell at my neighbor’s noisy brats when they sing and play catch along the corridor on Saturday morning while I clutch desperately at the straws of a well deserved lie in. If not to stop the rascals from nudging my satellite dish in retaliation, then to avoid developing a coronary or any other stress related disorders. Sigh. Somebody might wonder why those ‘silly’ things are resolutions at all. Well, just to enjoy the little joys of life I say. I resolve to try and do a lot of that this year, and relax a little more. So far I’ve discovered that lying on an airbed and watching my fish swim endlessly in their glass tank is such an uplifting and liberating experience. They lead such a simple life; eat. shit.

A family member or two have phoned with a few suggestions of New Year resolutions for me. Please try and tone down a bit Natasha we don’t want another Jestina.

And, by the way, when are the wedding bells?

Last month my to do list was long like there’s no tomorrow.  It was full of errands mostly associated with preparing to pack up and relocate myself back in the US.   In Zimbabwe, seemingly simple to do items like get cash, pay bills, get mixers for cocktails, etc. can take amounts of time which are unfathomable.  At least (after the frustration and exhaustion) some humor can be found.  Like how I nearly had a temporary Zimbabwean husband, for the purpose of getting Tel One to accept a third party cheque as payment.

And sometimes it’s not so much humor.  More that it can be enlightening, the little nuances of how moving through a to do list plays out.   After completing a to do item in Eastgate Mall, I found myself frozen amidst people bustling this way and that way.  I was wanting to follow the Eastgate routine I had established.   An exit route geared toward stopping in specific shops to see what was on the shelves and/or if there were good deals.  But, no reason for the routine because it’s not like I needed to fill my suitcase with basic goods as part of returning to the US.  My frozenness lasted a good many minutes.  Then the strangest thing happened.  There was a magnetic force which sucked me into the shopping routine.  Nothing good at Chipos Supermarket or the zhing zhong shops.  But in Clicks, my gosh good golly, they had more shampoo, conditioner, and liquid bath soap than I had ever seen on a single Zimbabwean shelf.  Fairly priced to boot!  A gold mine!  Without skipping a beat I was strategizing how much I needed to buy and which scents would be the most soothing.   Once I realized buying was not needed, I thought to myself:   Shame I’m leaving Zimbabwe with all these good bath products available.  A different kind of humor playing out here.  Humorous that I became so well trained with my shopping routines and strategies.  And curious that I found it easier to be emotional about leaving behind a gold mine of bath products and much harder to express my feelings about leaving behind my work, colleagues, friends and all the ways living in Harare enriched my mind and my heart.

One more thought about to do lists.   Seems that Mugabe started 2008 with a small voice which got bigger and bigger as he moved through a carefully calculated set of to do items.   A few of the items that got ticked off the to do list include:  manipulate voters roll, ignore elections if not victorious, blame problems on west, use herald as mouthpiece, eliminate opposition, take grace shopping, ignore agreements, brainwash youth, keep all power, pay military, dictate.  Me and a whole lot of millions of other people are ticked off about what Mugabe’s 2008 to do list included.  Looking for a fresh list for 2009 with items such as:  share, play fairly, food aid for all, return to rule of law, downsize motorcade, get kids back in school, admit cholera is problem, pay civil servants fair wages, be realistic about hyperinflation, enforce one person one farm policy, involve all in constitutional revisions, take foreign aid yet remain sovereign, fade into distance, transition to peace.

I’ve been reading Padraig O’Malley’s Shades of Difference. It uses the life of Mac Maharaj, who according to Nelson Mandela, “ran the ANC’s underground in South Africa,” as a lens through which to discuss the anti-apartheid struggle. O’Malley introduces each chapter to set the historic or political context of that section of the narrative, and then Maharaj recounts a few years of his own autobiography. It’s clear, well written, and I’ve been so grateful for the insights that a story of that struggle can lend to Zimbabwe during ours.

I’m currently in the early 1980’s. Mac has served his 12 year sentence on Robben Island, after his conviction in the Little Rivonia Trial. And he’s escaped South Africa to rejoin the struggle outside the country. Meanwhile, the ANC’s progress has been slow. Frustrated by the pace of reform, and forced ever-deeper underground by the apartheid regime’s policies, the ANC is increasingly attracted to the strategy of armed struggle – despite its failures. In his introduction to Chapter 10, O’Malley credits the United Democratic Front (UDF)’s civil disobedience campaign with greater effectiveness than the armed struggle organised by Umkhonto weSizwe (MK) (Spear of the Nation). This despite the fact that it was 11 years from the formation of UDF to South Africa’s first democratic election.

Here are some excerpts:

The opposition to the tricameral parliament led to the creation in 1983 of the anti-apartheid United Democratic Front (UDF), a broad, non-racial grouping of about 650 affiliates with a total membership of more than 2.5 million who collectively put the emphasis on mass mobilisation and protest politics.

Meanwhile, the ANC had become addicted to the idea of armed struggle. The more it failed, the more the ANC pinned its hopes on guerrilla warfare and armed insurrection. The ANC’s armed struggle failed by almost every yardstick.

The post-1963 generation grew comfortable in exile. With no secure base from which to launch attacks on South Africa or to infiltrate operatives, getting MK cadres into the country was a disheartening process. There was no existing political underground in South Africa with which the exiled ANC could easily communicate. One estimate put the number of formal structures inside the country at fifty, the number of members at two hundred – hardly the makings of an adequate network.

As we start a new year – and thinking about Bev’s blog yesterday about the MDC’s need to rethink its strategy – I’ve been reflecting on O’Malley’s comments on the ANC in the 1980s – and what lessons we can learn for our situation today. If we replace the ANC with the MDC, South Africa with Zimbabwe and armed struggle with elections and negotiations, the paragraphs above sound eerily similar to what we are experiencing today.

The more elections and negotiations fail, the more the MDC wants to try them. The MDC’s structures are weak, and constantly under assault from the ruling party. Not exactly a recipe for success.

But discussing things with some colleagues yesterday, we realised – the objective of the MDC isn’t to oust the regime. The objective of the MDC, as a political party, is to win elections, get elected to power democratically, and to govern the country with the majority it has won. So, then, why are we surprised that they focus on elections and negotiations. I may think that’s a naively narrow strategy – since when is that small dicktator gonna share power equally just because we’ve politely requested that he play nice? – but it’s the strategy they’ve chosen. It’s even more naïve of me to expect otherwise from them.

Rather, thinking of Maharaj and O’Malley again, it’s time to take Natasha’s advice. Instead of looking for the MDC to restrategise, let’s look at how civil society can restrategise. The MDC wants to lead Zimbabwe’s democratic transition. But it’s not willing to lead the campaign to make the country ungovernable, so that the regime has no choice but to transition. If South Africa is anything to go by, it’s time for Zimbabwe’s UDF.